This week's Friday Sketch War theme was "Advertising". Here's my entry:
Friday Sketch War Advertising Edition "The ServTech Focus Group" FADE IN: INT. MEETING ROOM - DAY DAVE (30s, sharply dressed) and SAM (20s, nerdy) sit at a big table. Behind them sits an easel with a poster covered by a sheet. Dave has a clipboard on the table in front of him. Around the rest of the table sit ENGINEERS with name tags, including PHIL, RONALD, and HARPER. A video camera next to the exit door records the proceedings. Dave addresses the engineers -- DAVE -- so I'll show you a new slogan for Sam's company, and we'll talk about how you customers feel about it. The engineers murmur agreement. DAVE Great! So: drumroll... He removes the sheet, revealing a slick "ServTech" poster that reads -- DAVE "Solid. Secure. Servers." Dave picks up his clipboard. DAVE Now, my first question is -- PHIL Wait, Dave. DAVE Yes, Phil. PHIL So this is saying that we don't know how to properly operate a server? DAVE I'm not sure I -- PHIL I see this, I think, "Oh, sysadmins are too boneheaded to fix a system on their own." HARPER As if they're giving us the easy, safe, kindergarten scissors. SAM People, ServTech doesn't think -- DAVE Sam? Great. Keep those opinions coming. Obviously, nobody thinks you're stupid. RONALD Oh, so now you're coddling us? HARPER Like children in a delicate garden. RONALD Yeah! That's what this 'secure' crap is about. You think we're all just a bunch of neurotic whack jobs? SAM It means the *servers* are -- DAVE Sam. Good, just let it all -- SAM They're jumping to conclusions that are crazy! RONALD "Crazy?!" General distress. RONALD This ad is just ServTech's coded little way of saying sysadmins are crazy. HARPER Like foxes afflicted with herpes. SAM People -- DAVE Sam. SAM Look, if you talked to any other sysadmins, they'd tell you this is unreasonable. RONALD What's that supposed to mean? PHIL Sam is telling us we don't have any friends. RONALD Oh, that's low. HARPER The slogan really means, "Solid and secure, unlike you pestilential hordes who are fated to die alone, friendless, and in some quantity of your own vomit." SAM What? PHIL This is, without question, the most offensive slogan I have ever! had the misfortune to lay eyes upon. RONALD I ain't putting up with this crap. Murmured assent. The engineers get up and leave. The last engineer slams the door behind him. DAVE That slogan is a no-go. SAM Yeah. We can't offend our customers like that. DAVE We'll go with the previous slogan? SAM Yeah. Dave removes the "Solid. Secure. Servers." poster to reveal the ServTech poster under it, which reads -- DAVE "ServTech: because other servers will go down on you, and suck really hard." CANNED AUDIENCE LAUGHTER. Sam and Dave react to this noise. SAM Where the hell did that laughter come from? DAVE I don't know -- Dave draws a gun. DAVE But I'm gonna find out. Sam produces an automatic and a wicked-looking knife. SAM Let's go. Sam kicks open the door. They exit. FADE TO BLACK.
Mood: okay · Music: none