Wednesday (2/18/09) 9:07pm - ... wherein Peter writes a sketch (first draft?) for Sketch War.
Huh -- this was a rather interesting Sketch War -- this time around, we took our cue off of this this chirp from Chicago Tribune TV columnist Mo Ryan:
Now I am daydreaming about a TV show with @brentspiner and @stephenfry. Who will make that happen?She was referring to a twitter conversation[1] between actors Brent Spiner and Stephen Fry where they had speculated about opportunities to work together.
And as it turns out, the Sketch Warriors have been perfectly happy to jump in and help, with the theme of "sketches that would star Brent Spiner and Stephen Fry". We've already had a few Fry-and-Spiner entries this week -- quick comic bits that hint at larger, TV-show possibilities.
Here's my entry:
Friday Sketch War
A Bit of Fry and Spiner Edition
"Grosvenor Square"
FADE IN:
INT. CONSUL-GENERAL'S OFFICE - DAY
The signs of moving -- half-empty boxes, a filing cabinet on
a furniture dolly, a few paintings leaned against the walls --
fill a spacious office.
Even with all the clutter, the place looks expensive: big
wooden door, big wooden desk, heavy ugly curtains.
BRENT WAGNER (50s, American, pricey suit) picks a Don Quixote
figurine out of a moving box.
He puts it on his desk next to his phone and a family
snapshot, accidentally knocking a signed baseball into the
box-pile.
As Brent fishes around for it --
STEPHEN (O.S.)
"How a man may change / and still
hour by hour continue in his job--"
BRENT
Yeah, well, Marvin Bell never
worked for the government.
Brent looks up to see --
STEPHEN WHITCOMBE (50s, British, pricier suit) setting a coat
and a red scarf on a pile of boxes.
STEPHEN
Stephen Whitcombe. The ministry's
liaison to the American consulate.
Stephen holds out a hand, but Brent doesn't see it -- he's
already fishing around in the boxes for something.
Stephen awkwardly retrieves his hand.
STEPHEN
You are the consul-general, yes?
BRENT
As of today. Brent Wagner, at your
service.
He fishes out a file, hands it to Stephen.
Stephen flips through it, stops on a photo of LINDA HASSAN
(30s, professional, Middle Eastern descent).
STEPHEN
This would be the 'favor' you had
mentioned?
BRENT
Linda Hassan. U. S. national.
Picked up near one of the Dungeness
plants in Kent --
Stephen continues rifling through the file.
STEPHEN
-- under the Terrorism Act, yes.
Brent resumes looking for his baseball.
BRENT
I need her out of police custody --
STEPHEN
That's not possible --
BRENT
-- quickly.
STEPHEN
Mr. Wagner. Your first day as a
chief diplomat is not an auspicious
time to 'cowboy up' and lay down
demands. Your predecessor
understood discretion and --
BRENT
Handler knew how to do two things:
make money off of oil pipelines,
and donate two million dollars to a
presidential campaign without
getting thrown in jail.
STEPHEN
The fact remains, she is a
suspected --
BRENT
She's not a suspected anything!
STEPHEN
Your certainty is admirable.
BRENT
Linda is my chief of staff! Only I
don't have a staff yet, because
Linda's in a cell somewhere.
STEPHEN
Ah.
BRENT
We've background checked her out
the wazoo, Stephen, so unless what
you've got on her is scarier than
"snapshotting a nuke plant while
beige," I'd let this one slide.
STEPHEN
This isn't racial profiling,
because racial profiling doesn't
work. And we do this sort of thing
eminently well, Mr. Wagner, because
England has fought domestic
terrorism for longer than Americans
have sold processed cheese.
Brent closes the door.
BRENT
Check the end of the file.
Stephen does so.
BRENT
Mr. Bajaeen at The Guardian is
already putting together a piece
about Linda.
STEPHEN
How speedy.
BRENT
Human-interest, wronged by
injustice, whole nine yards. I
give him all our intel on it, the
story'll have legs.
Brent stumbles on something.
BRENT
Ha!
He plucks his baseball out of the box-pile.
BRENT
Yeah, you could have a scandal on
your hands.
STEPHEN
You won't divulge anything, Mr.
Wagner --
BRENT
I will do --
STEPHEN
-- because the ministry has already
talked to your boss about the need
to rein in her rather demanding new
consul.
BRENT
("you're kidding")
My boss is the U. S. Secretary of
State.
Stephen smiles.
STEPHEN
I do hope you'll replace these
curtains. Handler picked a color
so bilious it clashes with itself.
He gathers up his coat.
STEPHEN
And, Brent, "scandal" is a poor
threat. For a British politician,
a scandal is a bit like --
He retrieves his scarf.
STEPHEN
Like a colorful scarf. Perhaps it
could choke one to death -- but
instead it just lends a splash of
color to our rather dowdy lives.
The phone starts ringing.
A little red light on the phone starts blinking.
STEPHEN
Ah. That would be her.
BRENT
"Her" as in the Secretary of --
Stephen nods.
STEPHEN
That's what the little red light
means.
Stephen shakes Brent's hand.
STEPHEN
I'll leave you to it.
Stephen exits.
Brent sighs, lets the baseball drop to the floor.
The phone keeps ringing.
BLACKOUT.
Important note: Owing to *especially* weird scheduling this week, my sketch probably won't go up on the sketchwar site until Friday. So if anybody has comments or suggestions, do throw them my way, because I can probably do another draft before putting this up on the big sketch site.
________
[1] I refuse to say 'twitversation'.
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