This week's Friday Sketch War theme is "Taxes."
Sketch War Taxes Edition "Mrs. Purcell" FADE IN: INT. IRS OFFICE - DAY Typical government office: small and cheap, with a desk, some chairs, and tidy stacks of papers everywhere. MRS. PURCELL (50s, professional) sits at the desk, typing into an old PC. GARY (20s, cheap suit, nervy) pokes his head in. MRS. PURCELL Gary! Welcome to your audit! GARY Mom? MRS. PURCELL Gary, I'm acting in my official capacity as an auditor, here, so you should call me "Mrs. Purcell". Gary takes a seat across from his mother. Mrs. Purcell picks out a stack of papers and looks it over. MRS. PURCELL Let's start with the basics. Still... single. Still... a writer. GARY *You're* doing my audit? She plucks out a sheet of paper. MRS. PURCELL Now, this list of charitable donations -- GARY Oh, yeah, that trip to Goodwill. MRS. PURCELL You used an out-of-date estimation worksheet! GARY Oh no. MRS. PURCELL No, this means that you actually should have gotten a refund! GARY Whew! Great! MRS. PURCELL But what about this item: "cast iron household decorations?" GARY Oh, that -- MRS. PURCELL The ones Aunt Terry gave you? GARY Mom, I -- MRS. PURCELL "Mrs. Purcell!" GARY Mrs. Purcell, it was a nice gift, but Juliet's particular about decorating. MRS. PURCELL That reminds me -- why aren't you kids filing jointly? GARY We don't -- MRS. PURCELL You've been together two years. GARY That's true -- MRS. PURCELL You're engaged, right? GARY We've talked about marriage, Mom. MRS. PURCELL "Mrs. Purcell!" GARY Mrs. Purcell. It's not the same thing. MRS. PURCELL Is it a money thing? GARY No. MRS. PURCELL I mean, looking at your taxable income -- maybe she's holding out for somebody more... solvent. GARY I'm not getting a different job, Mom. MRS. PURCELL It's "Mrs. --" GARY Mrs. Purcell. MRS. PURCELL I'm just saying that maybe you should be a little better with your money. You've donated $500 to -- the Obama campaign? GARY Oh, god. MRS. PURCELL I'll just assume you didn't know what he was planning to do to the tax structure. GARY Can we not argue about this now? MRS. PURCELL At least set up a 529 college fund. You know, for when your kids -- GARY We've been over this. I don't even like kids. MRS. PURCELL Well, that's because you haven't had any yet! Gary stands. GARY You know what, Mom? I don't know how many ethics violations it is for you to do your own son's audit, but I'm done with this. MRS. PURCELL Gary, it's illegal to -- GARY -- then have me arrested. Gary exits. SLAM. MRS. PURCELL Oh dear. Linda (20s, professional) pokes her head in. LINDA Was there a problem, Mrs. Purcell? MRS. PURCELL Oh no, Linda, his returns are fine. Linda makes to leave; Mrs. Purcell stops her. MRS. PURCELL But, put him on the watch list and schedule an audit for next year. Mrs. Purcell tidies up her desk. MRS. PURCELL I think we should keep an eye on him. FADE TO BLACK.
Mood: relieved (finished another one!) · Music: none