Sketch War Children's Shows Edition "Quantum Physics" FADE IN: INT. LAB - DAY Note: this is all animated. Think "Schoolhouse Rock." VINH, a little boy, approaches DR. PHYSICS, an old scientist in a lab coat. VINH Dr. Physics? DR. PHYSICS Yes, Vinh? VINH I heard about something called "quantum physics" -- but I don't know what it is! DR. PHYSICS Well, then, Vinh -- let me introduce you to a friend of mine! The HAMILTONIAN -- an excitable little poofball of fire with arms, legs, and googly eyes -- appears. HAMILTONIAN Hey, Vinh, let's start by looking at the finite barrier quantum well! VINH The what? He takes Vinh's hand and they start flying away -- VINH I don't want to go in the well! *poof* They appear in -- INT. FINITE-BARRIER WELL - NIGHT -- a deep well illuminated by glowy shapes. VINH Who *are* you?! Music starts up. (It will continue throughout.) HAMILTONIAN (singing) I'm a Hamiltonian, the system's energy Potentials and derivatives together equals me! And if it never changes, then the answer's gonna be Somethin' that we're about to see! Meanwhile, Vinh bangs on the walls. VINH Stupid! Finite! Barrier! Some unseen BACKGROUND SINGERS start singing. This frightens Vinh. BACKGROUND SINGERS (O.S.) The wavefunction's time derivative Equals the wavefunction's space derivative Plus the wavefunction times potential e-ner-gy! It's as easy as that! VINH Where are those voices coming from? HAMILTONIAN No time for that, little Vinh. We've got to introduce you to my friend! VINH I don't want to meet your -- A little matrix appears -- the EIGENVECTOR. Again, it has arms, legs, and googly eyes. EIGENVECTOR Hi, Vinh! VINH What is that?! The screen stretches, skews, and distorts. Everything but the eigenvector stretches with it. Vinh does not like being distorted. VINH AAAAH! EIGENVECTOR (singing) I'm a math solution, eigenvector is my name! And under transformations, my direction stays the same! VINH Stop stretching me! Ow! OW! EIGENVECTOR (singing) I solve the Hamiltonian, and that's my claim to fame, But that's just part of the game! The screen stops distorting. EIGENVECTOR And that solution is called "eigenenergy." VINH Eigen-what? EIGENVECTOR Now you're getting it! VINH No I'm not! BACKGROUND SINGERS (O.S.) The eigenergies are quantized solutions To the reduced eigenequation Of the original Hamiltonian It's as easy as that! Vinh looks around in vain for the singers. VINH What's a reduced -- what? HAMILTONIAN I'd say he's still confused. EIGENVECTOR Time to bring in the big guy. VINH I don't want to see the big guy! A giant mass of mathematical symbols -- Schrödinger's EQUATION -- floats down. Again: arms, legs, googly eyes. EQUATION (singing) I'm Schrödinger's equation, Vinh, and here's what I equate: How a system over time will change around its quantum state I can tell you where it started and I know about its fate Quantum physics is great -- EVERYONE BUT VINH (singing) And it's as easy as that! *Poof!* The well and its denizens disappear. INT. LAB - DAY Vinh falls down to the floor next to Dr. Physics. VINH Ow! DR. PHYSICS Do you understand now, Vinh? VINH No! It's weird! And it makes no sense to me! DR. PHYSICS Don't worry, Vinh. He pats Vinh on the back. DR. PHYSICS Quantum physics makes no sense to scientists, either. BACKGROUND SINGERS (O.S.) It's as easy as that! BLACKOUT.
Mood: amused, but I suspect this isn't everyone's cup of tea · Music: none