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Peter Rogers's Blog
Artist-in-Residence at Chez Firth

Friday (10/9/09) 7:39pm - ... wherein Peter writes a sketch for Sketch War.

Sketchwar is an online weekly sketch-writing group.  Every week, participants write comedy sketches about that week's topic; at the end of the week, we read each other's sketches, comment, and perhaps bicker about who wrote the best sketch that week.  If you're interested in participating, this page has information about how to throw a sketch into the ring, as well as the schedule of upcoming topics (next week's topic is "Weddings").

This week's Sketch War topic was "A Bad Day at the Office".

               Sketch War
               A Bad Day at the Office Edition
               "Work Dandies"
               FADE IN:  



               INT. OFFICE - DAY

               CLOSE ON MR. KARAKIS (dumpy, middle-aged) who stands in the
               typical drab office:  fluorescents, gray color scheme, cheesy
               motivational poster.

                                   KARAKIS
                         -- the training session is in Des
                         Moines, and there are a few clients
                         to meet out there, so you're both
                         going on a business trip!

               REVEAL who Mr. Robinson's talking to:  MR. LIGHTCASTLE and
               MR. WORTHINGTON, two Victorian-era English dandies in their
               twenties.

               They sit at a desk.  

               Mr. Lightcastle files his nails.  Mr. Worthington studies his
               face from various angles in a mirror.

               A small handheld bell sits on the desk.

                                   LIGHTCASTLE
                         Will there be fox hunting?

                                   KARAKIS
                         Foxes?  Like the animals?

                                   LIGHTCASTLE
                         'tis the season, after all.

                                   WORTHINGTON
                         Absolutely the season!  Late
                         November, of course.

                                   KARAKIS
                         You can't kill foxes in Des Moines.

                                   LIGHTCASTLE
                         Bah!  Then we refuse!  We shan't
                         go!

                                   WORTHINGTON
                         We absolutely shan't, of course.

                                   KARAKIS
                         Okay.  We can get you up to speed
                         on the training material over
                         lunch.  Tomorrow, we'll go to the
                         Olive Garden and --

                                   LIGHTCASTLE
                         We shall be dining at the club.

                                   WORTHINGTON
                         The club, of course.

                                   LIGHTCASTLE
                         Which reminds me, are you peckish,
                         Mr. Worthington?

                                   WORTHINGTON
                         Positively dying of starvation, Mr.
                         Lightcastle.

               Mr. Lightcastle rings the bell.

                                   LIGHTCASTLE
                         Herbert!

               HERBERT, a severe, formally-dressed servant, enters.

                                   LIGHTCASTLE
                         Herbert, go to the break room and
                         see if they finally have any game
                         pheasant one can prepare.

                                   WORTHINGTON
                         Or grouse.

                                   LIGHTCASTLE
                         Grouse will do, in a pinch.

                                   WORTHINGTON
                         If you absolutely must.

               Herbert silently exits.

                                   KARAKIS
                         We will get you up to speed on this
                         somehow.  The new technical writers
                         arrive next week, and it's your job
                         to --

                                   LIGHTCASTLE
                         Our job?

                                   WORTHINGTON
                         Ha!  Preposterous!

                                   LIGHTCASTLE
                         Our only office, my dear man, is to
                         look eminently fashionable.  Which
                         we do quite well.

                                   WORTHINGTON
                         The apotheoses of couture, if we do
                         say so ourselves.

                                   KARAKIS
                         Well, then we need to find some
                         approach that --

               A larger, unseen bell CHIMES three times.

                                   LIGHTCASTLE
                         Three in the afternoon!

                                   WORTHINGTON
                         On the dot!

                                   LIGHTCASTLE
                         Forgive us, we simply must retire
                         to the local tavern.  It's been a
                         difficult day.

                                   WORTHINGTON
                         Overwrought with fatigue, of
                         course.

               Mr. Karakis sniffs the air.

                                   KARAKIS
                         Is that opium?

                                   LIGHTCASTLE
                         Really, who keeps track of such
                         things?

                                   WORTHINGTON
                         Indeed, who?

               Lightcastle rings the little bell again.

                                   LIGHTCASTLE
                         Herbert, prepare our equipage!

               The door bursts open, and an INTERN (teens) arrives out of
               breath.

                                   LIGHTCASTLE
                         You're not Herbert.

                                   INTERN
                             (to Karakis)
                         Sir, bad news!  There are foxes
                         loose in the building and nobody
                         knows what to do!

                                   KARAKIS
                         What?

                                   INTERN
                         And, and -- the CEO is about to
                         attend the Governor's Ball, but has
                         no idea how to match his topcoat
                         and gloves!

                                   KARAKIS
                         Oh god!

                                   INTERN
                         And, and, the Viscountess of
                         Salisbury is on her way to the
                         company headquarters, and someone
                         needs to entertain her!

                                   KARAKIS
                         What will we do?

               The two dandies stand as one, heroically.

                                   LIGHTCASTLE
                         Stand aside, sir.

                                   WORTHINGTON
                         This calls for Victorian English
                         dandies!

               Then they flounce out of the room.

                                   KARAKIS
                         God bless those crazy bastards.

                                                              FADE OUT.


(I've cross-posted this to the Sketchwar site.)

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