Sketchwar is an online weekly sketch-writing group. Every week, participants write comedy sketches about that week's topic; at the end of the week, we read each other's sketches, comment, and perhaps bicker about who wrote the best sketch that week. If you're interested in participating, this page has information about how to throw a sketch into the ring, as well as the schedule of upcoming topics (next week's topic is "The Lottery").
This week's Sketch War topic was "Weddings".
Sketch War Weddings Edition "The Ceremony Level" FADE IN: INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT Typical post-college apartment: a bland room with cheap furniture and dim lighting. TAYLOR (early 20s) plays a video game while NEIL (early 20s) eagerly looks on. We hear the GAME AUDIO but we can't see the screen. TAYLOR Got it. NEIL Badass! ANNA (early 20s) enters, looks at the screen with alarm. ANNA You're playing this without a wedding planner? TAYLOR I'm trying to unlock an achievement! Duh. ANNA How did you even get to day two? NEIL He's on the pre-ceremony level! TAYLOR Everything's fine, the stress meters are green, I've stored up three sanity totems -- ANNA Yeah, but now you have to corral all the people into the church -- NEIL He's got 83% of them in the pews. ANNA Oh, and you have to keep Lars away from his ex-girlfriend. TAYLOR I'm trying -- crap! NEIL So they're having an argument, it's no big -- EVERYONE Whoa. NEIL Ow. TAYLOR That lady can throw a punch. ANNA And now the kids have gotten loose. TAYLOR What? NEIL She means the unattended children running -- TAYLOR Oh crap, they're attacking the wedding photographer. NEIL Look at the bright side -- you've got 90% of the people into the building, right? ANNA Click on the bridesmaids. Can't they take care of -- NEIL They're all hung over. In the previous stage, we did that mini game -- ANNA The one with all the tequila? Really? TAYLOR The bridesmaids' stress levels were through the roof. So I traded off one thing for -- why am I even still on this level? NEIL Yeah. You've done all the requirements. Everyone ponders this. ANNA Where's the groom? Taylor scans the screen. TAYLOR Oh, crap. NEIL Do the cell-phone search -- TAYLOR What? How is he still at the hotel?! ANNA Wow. TAYLOR The AI in this game is BALLS! NEIL Put him in the pedicab. TAYLOR Okay. Level cleared. ANNA Barely. And the ceremony's starting an hour late. NEIL An hour late is no big de-- oh. TAYLOR The officiant has had enough time to get drunk. Crap. ANNA Keep him upright! TAYLOR I'm trying. NEIL Hey, the groom showed up! Ooh. TAYLOR The AI had him walk through mud?! Really? ANNA Watch the stress meters! TAYLOR Yeah -- there go my sanity totems. ANNA Whoa, the father of the bride's about to clock the groom. TAYLOR What can I do about it? NEIL Use the officiant! TAYLOR He's drunk! ANNA Just keep the fist-fight away from the altar, and -- oh. NEIL Did the unity candle just explode? TAYLOR Now people are on fire. NEIL Nice flame effects! ANNA Everybody's stampeding out of the church! TAYLOR I know. ANNA Stop them! TAYLOR With what? A MINOR-KEY, DIRGE-Y VERSION OF THE WEDDING MARCH PLAYS. TAYLOR Damn. ANNA I am never, never getting married. BLACKOUT.
Mood: amused · Music: none