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Peter Rogers's Blog
Artist-in-Residence at Chez Firth

Friday (10/16/09) 7:08pm - ... wherein Peter writes a sketch for Sketch War.

Sketchwar is an online weekly sketch-writing group.  Every week, participants write comedy sketches about that week's topic; at the end of the week, we read each other's sketches, comment, and perhaps bicker about who wrote the best sketch that week.  If you're interested in participating, this page has information about how to throw a sketch into the ring, as well as the schedule of upcoming topics (next week's topic is "The Lottery").

This week's Sketch War topic was "Weddings".



               Sketch War
               Weddings Edition
               "The Ceremony Level"
               FADE IN:  



               INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

               Typical post-college apartment:  a bland room with cheap
               furniture and dim lighting.

               TAYLOR (early 20s) plays a video game while NEIL (early 20s)
               eagerly looks on.

               We hear the GAME AUDIO but we can't see the screen.

                                   TAYLOR
                         Got it.

                                   NEIL
                         Badass!

               ANNA (early 20s) enters, looks at the screen with alarm.

                                   ANNA
                         You're playing this without a
                         wedding planner?

                                   TAYLOR
                         I'm trying to unlock an
                         achievement!  Duh.

                                   ANNA
                         How did you even get to day two?

                                   NEIL
                         He's on the pre-ceremony level!

                                   TAYLOR
                         Everything's fine, the stress
                         meters are green, I've stored up
                         three sanity totems -- 

                                   ANNA
                         Yeah, but now you have to corral
                         all the people into the church --

                                   NEIL
                         He's got 83% of them in the pews.

                                   ANNA
                         Oh, and you have to keep Lars away
                         from his ex-girlfriend.

                                   TAYLOR
                         I'm trying -- crap!

                                   NEIL
                         So they're having an argument, it's
                         no big --

                                   EVERYONE
                         Whoa.

                                   NEIL
                         Ow.

                                   TAYLOR
                         That lady can throw a punch.

                                   ANNA
                         And now the kids have gotten loose.

                                   TAYLOR
                         What?

                                   NEIL
                         She means the unattended children
                         running --

                                   TAYLOR
                         Oh crap, they're attacking the
                         wedding photographer.

                                   NEIL
                         Look at the bright side -- you've
                         got 90% of the people into the
                         building, right?

                                   ANNA
                         Click on the bridesmaids.  Can't
                         they take care of --

                                   NEIL
                         They're all hung over.  In the
                         previous stage, we did that mini
                         game --

                                   ANNA
                         The one with all the tequila? 
                         Really?

                                   TAYLOR
                         The bridesmaids' stress levels were
                         through the roof.  So I traded off
                         one thing for -- why am I even
                         still on this level?

                                   NEIL
                         Yeah.  You've done all the
                         requirements.

               Everyone ponders this.

                                   ANNA
                         Where's the groom?

               Taylor scans the screen.

                                   TAYLOR
                         Oh, crap.

                                   NEIL
                         Do the cell-phone search --

                                   TAYLOR
                         What?  How is he still at the
                         hotel?!

                                   ANNA
                         Wow.

                                   TAYLOR
                         The AI in this game is BALLS!

                                   NEIL
                         Put him in the pedicab.

                                   TAYLOR
                         Okay.  Level cleared.

                                   ANNA
                         Barely.  And the ceremony's
                         starting an hour late.

                                   NEIL
                         An hour late is no big de-- oh.

                                   TAYLOR
                         The officiant has had enough time
                         to get drunk.  Crap.

                                   ANNA
                         Keep him upright!

                                   TAYLOR
                         I'm trying.

                                   NEIL
                         Hey, the groom showed up!  Ooh.

                                   TAYLOR
                         The AI had him walk through mud?! 
                         Really?

                                   ANNA
                         Watch the stress meters!

                                   TAYLOR
                         Yeah -- there go my sanity totems.

                                   ANNA
                         Whoa, the father of the bride's
                         about to clock the groom.

                                   TAYLOR
                         What can I do about it?

                                   NEIL
                         Use the officiant!

                                   TAYLOR
                         He's drunk!

                                   ANNA
                         Just keep the fist-fight away from
                         the altar, and -- oh.

                                   NEIL
                         Did the unity candle just explode?

                                   TAYLOR
                         Now people are on fire.

                                   NEIL
                         Nice flame effects!

                                   ANNA
                         Everybody's stampeding out of the
                         church!

                                   TAYLOR
                         I know.

                                   ANNA
                         Stop them!

                                   TAYLOR
                         With what?

               A MINOR-KEY, DIRGE-Y VERSION OF THE WEDDING MARCH PLAYS.

                                   TAYLOR
                         Damn.

                                   ANNA
                         I am never, never getting married.

                                                              BLACKOUT.



(I've cross-posted this to the Sketchwar site.)

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Comments:

[User Picture]
From:thefairyrebel
Date:Saturday (10/17/09) 12:17pm
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Novel idea. Very fun. :-)
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