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Peter Rogers's Blog
Artist-in-Residence at Chez Firth

Friday (10/23/09) 8:55am - ... wherein Peter writes a sketch for Sketch War.

Sketchwar is an online weekly sketch-writing group.  Every week, participants write comedy sketches about that week's topic; at the end of the week, we read each other's sketches, comment, and perhaps bicker about who wrote the best sketch that week.  If you're interested in participating, this page has information about how to throw a sketch into the ring, as well as the schedule of upcoming topics (next week's topic is "Haunted House").

This week's Sketch War topic was "The Lottery".

               Sketch War
               The Lottery Edition
               "Pennies or Plastic?"

               FADE IN:  



               INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

               Two twenty-somethings -- RICHARD and SOFIA -- watch
               television in a nice-but-not-fancy living room.  They both
               hold their lotto tickets.

                                   ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
                         -- your jackpot-lotto numbers after
                         these messages!

               Richard picks up the TV remote and mutes the TV.

                                   RICHARD
                         Scrooge McDuck vault.

                                   SOFIA
                         The first thing you'd buy would --

                                   RICHARD
                         I'd convert some of the money to
                         pennies.  Fill up a vault.  Scrooge
                         McDuck vault.

                                   SOFIA
                         Richard, a ball pit would be far
                         more economical.

                                   RICHARD
                         I want to swim through money. 
                         Balls aren't money.

                                   SOFIA
                         You realize that was a cartoon?

                                   RICHARD
                         Okay, Sofia.  You win the lottery. 
                         First thing you do.  Go.

                                   SOFIA
                         Photocopy the ticket and call a
                         finance lawyer.

                                   RICHARD
                         Try something different.  I would
                         buy a BWM X6.  You would buy...

                                   SOFIA
                         I'd hire a financial advisor to set
                         up a range of low-risk investments.

                                   RICHARD
                         And also...

                                   SOFIA
                         And also a team of auditors.

                                   RICHARD
                         What?

                                   SOFIA
                         Asset management carries heavy
                         moral risk!

                                   RICHARD
                         Okay.  A house.  Would you buy a
                         house?

               Sofia gestures at the room.

                                   SOFIA
                         I've got a house.

                                   RICHARD
                         A big house.  On a mountain.  With
                         a dragon or -- okay, just a big
                         house.

                                   SOFIA
                         Housing is an unstable investment.

                                   RICHARD
                         The craziest thing you would buy. 
                         What is it?

                                   SOFIA
                         I'd invest 3% of total assets in an
                         international growth fund.  I know. 
                         Crazy!

                                   RICHARD
                         Sofia.  I think you don't know what
                         money is for.

                                   SOFIA
                         And I think you, Richard, would
                         spend yourself broke in a year!

                                   RICHARD
                         Just because I want a midget
                         manservant to follow me around?

                                   SOFIA
                         Dwarves have higher-than-average
                         medical insurance, Richard, not to
                         mention the bespoke uniforms, and --

               The stops short, grabs the remote, un-mutes the TV.

               In the background, Father DENTON (40s, white) enters.  He
               holds his own ticket and watches the TV.

                                   ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
                         That's 09-38-44-48-49-13.

                                   SOFIA
                         Oh well.

                                   RICHARD
                         Damn.

                                   DENTON
                         YEEAAAHHH!

               Sofia and Richard turn around.

                                   DENTON
                         I win!  I win, bitches!  And guess
                         what?  It's all going to charity!

               Father Denton exits.

                                   DENTON (O.S.)
                         Orphanage gonna get paid, yo!

                                   SOFIA
                         We can agree that we hate Father
                         Denton.

                                   RICHARD
                         Word.

               They fist bump.

                                                              BLACKOUT.



(I've cross-posted this to the Sketchwar site.)

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Mood: [mood icon] amused · Music: none
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Comments:

[User Picture]
From:gregstoll
Date:Friday (10/23/09) 9:31am
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I laughed :-)
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[User Picture]
From:hujhax
Date:Friday (10/23/09) 9:37am

thanks!

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~ w00t! ~
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