Sketchwar is an online weekly sketch-writing group. Every week, participants write comedy sketches about that week's topic; at the end of the week, we read each other's sketches, comment, and perhaps bicker about who wrote the best sketch that week. If you're interested in participating, this page has information about how to throw a sketch into the ring, as well as the schedule of upcoming topics (next week's topic is "Haunted House").
This week's Sketch War topic was "The Lottery".
Sketch War The Lottery Edition "Pennies or Plastic?" FADE IN: INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT Two twenty-somethings -- RICHARD and SOFIA -- watch television in a nice-but-not-fancy living room. They both hold their lotto tickets. ANNOUNCER (V.O.) -- your jackpot-lotto numbers after these messages! Richard picks up the TV remote and mutes the TV. RICHARD Scrooge McDuck vault. SOFIA The first thing you'd buy would -- RICHARD I'd convert some of the money to pennies. Fill up a vault. Scrooge McDuck vault. SOFIA Richard, a ball pit would be far more economical. RICHARD I want to swim through money. Balls aren't money. SOFIA You realize that was a cartoon? RICHARD Okay, Sofia. You win the lottery. First thing you do. Go. SOFIA Photocopy the ticket and call a finance lawyer. RICHARD Try something different. I would buy a BWM X6. You would buy... SOFIA I'd hire a financial advisor to set up a range of low-risk investments. RICHARD And also... SOFIA And also a team of auditors. RICHARD What? SOFIA Asset management carries heavy moral risk! RICHARD Okay. A house. Would you buy a house? Sofia gestures at the room. SOFIA I've got a house. RICHARD A big house. On a mountain. With a dragon or -- okay, just a big house. SOFIA Housing is an unstable investment. RICHARD The craziest thing you would buy. What is it? SOFIA I'd invest 3% of total assets in an international growth fund. I know. Crazy! RICHARD Sofia. I think you don't know what money is for. SOFIA And I think you, Richard, would spend yourself broke in a year! RICHARD Just because I want a midget manservant to follow me around? SOFIA Dwarves have higher-than-average medical insurance, Richard, not to mention the bespoke uniforms, and -- The stops short, grabs the remote, un-mutes the TV. In the background, Father DENTON (40s, white) enters. He holds his own ticket and watches the TV. ANNOUNCER (V.O.) That's 09-38-44-48-49-13. SOFIA Oh well. RICHARD Damn. DENTON YEEAAAHHH! Sofia and Richard turn around. DENTON I win! I win, bitches! And guess what? It's all going to charity! Father Denton exits. DENTON (O.S.) Orphanage gonna get paid, yo! SOFIA We can agree that we hate Father Denton. RICHARD Word. They fist bump. BLACKOUT.
Mood: amused · Music: none