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Peter Rogers's Blog
Artist-in-Residence at Chez Firth

Friday (12/4/09) 3:36pm - ... wherein Peter writes a sketch for Sketch War.

Sketchwar is an online weekly sketch-writing group.  Every week, participants write comedy sketches about that week's topic; at the end of the week, we read each other's sketches, comment, and perhaps bicker about who wrote the best sketch that week.  If you're interested in participating, this page has information about how to throw a sketch into the ring, as well as the schedule of upcoming topics (next week's topic is "Road Trip").

This week's Sketch War topic was "Power Outage".

               Friday Sketch War
               Power Outage Edition
               "Meet the Neighbors"

               FADE IN:



               EXT. BARBECUE - NIGHT

               TOM cooks up steaks on a grill at an impromptu barbecue in
               the backyard of an apartment complex.

               It's early evening, but all the lights in the apartment are
               out.  A large crowd of GUESTS carry lanterns and such to
               light the event.

               GARY (20s, business suit, briefcase) approaches the
               gathering.

                                   GARY
                         Tom?  It's Tom, right?  In 26G?

               Tom shakes Gary's hand.

                                   TOM
                         Yup, the apartment across the hall
                         from you.

                                   GARY
                         Any word on the power?

                                   TOM
                         Out for the next two days.  I'm
                         cooking these steaks for the
                         neighbors before they go bad.

                                   GARY
                         Oh, these are the people who live
                         here?

               A PETER-LORRE TYPE emerges from the crowd.

                                   GARY
                         It's weird, I've been here a month
                         but I never run into anybody.

               A MAN IN CAMO wanders by.

                                   PETER-LORRE TYPE
                         I keep my apartment completely
                         soundproofed.  You never hear a
                         peep from me!

               The Peter-Lorre type drifts back into the crowd.

                                   MAN IN CAMO
                         Probably doesn't want people pryin'
                         into his business!

               The man in camo wanders off.

               A PASSERBY stops briefly, sizes up Gary.

                                   PASSERBY
                         Oh, right -- the guy with the Klimt
                         poster.

               Gary nods absently as the passerby moves on.

               Gary approaches a LADY WITH A CAT.

                                   GARY
                         You live next door to me, right?

                                   LADY WITH A CAT
                             (to the cat)
                         We live in 24G, don't we Fluffums?

                                   GARY
                         I'm Gary.

                                   LADY WITH A CAT
                             (to the cat)
                         We don't like talking to strangers,
                         right, Fluffums?  That's right.

                                   GARY
                         Oh.

               The man in camo returns.

                                   MAN IN CAMO
                         You know there are now recorded
                         cases of cats catching H1N1 swine
                         flu?

                                   GARY
                         Right.

                                   MAN IN CAMO
                         It is not a coincidence.

                                   GARY
                         What?

                                   MAN IN CAMO
                         The government has massive cat
                         farms that they use to generate
                         species-jumping viruses that they
                         then release to eliminate
                         undesirables.

                                   GARY
                         Um... sure.
                             (to himself)
                         Wait, how did that guy know about
                         my Klimt poster?

                                   MAN IN CAMO
                         Have you checked your apartment for
                         X10 cameras?

               Suddenly a LOUD HUM rings out, and a few lights turn on in
               the apartment building.

               The crowd CHEERS.

                                   TOM
                         That's the main generator kicking
                         on.

               Then a LOUD CLICK sounds, and the lights turn back off.

               The crowd AWWWS.

               A HIPPIE approaches Gary.

                                   GARY
                         Why does it keep shutting off like
                         that?

                                   HIPPIE
                         Might be all my grow lamps.

                                   GRAY
                         Oh, you have a little 'hydroponic
                         operation?'

                                   MAN IN CAMO
                         What, are you some kind of narc?

                                   HIPPIE
                         Yeah!

               They get in Gary's face, and push him around a bit.

               The lady with a cat approaches.

                                   LADY WITH A CAT
                         Yes, Gary must have done something
                         bad, Fluffums.

                                   GARY
                         Okay, fine!  That's it!

               He starts to leave.

                                   TOM
                         Don't you want your steak?

                                   GARY
                         No, I'm just going to go sit in my
                         dark little apartment and maybe
                         call a realtor.

               As Gary leaves:

                                   TOM
                         Nice to finally meet you!

               And he's gone.

                                   MAN IN CAMO
                         Hmm.  New guy's kind of creepy.

               Everyone MURMURS AGREEMENT.

                                                              FADE OUT.



(I've cross-posted this to the Sketchwar site.)

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Mood: [mood icon] amused · Music: none
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