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Peter Rogers's Blog
Artist-in-Residence at Chez Firth

Friday (1/1/10) 8:49pm - ... wherein Peter writes a sketch for Sketch War.

Sketchwar is an online weekly sketch-writing group.  Every week, participants write comedy sketches about that week's topic; at the end of the week, we read each other's sketches, comment, and perhaps bicker about who wrote the best sketch that week.  If you're interested in participating, this page has information about how to throw a sketch into the ring, as well as the schedule of upcoming topics (next week's topic is "Fan Convention").

This week's Sketch War topic was "Snowstorm".

               Sketchwar
               Snowstorm Edition
               "Snow and Ice in Texas"

               FADE IN:  



               A GRAPHIC

               It shows a "Defensive Driving" logo.

               The title "Part 5:  Snow and Ice" appears superimposed on it.

               CHEERY PRODUCTION MUSIC plays.

                                   ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
                         Next on our defensive-driving DVD: 
                         how to drive in snow and ice!

               MUSIC FADES OUT.



               EXT. SNOWY ROADSIDE - DAY

               The ANNOUNCER stands by the side of the road in the snow.

                                   ANNOUNCER
                         This is special Texas-specific
                         material!

               A "Texas-specific!" logo appears briefly onscreen.

                                   ANNOUNCER
                         Some people say Texans don't know
                         how to drive in snow, since it
                         smows so rarely here, but in fact,
                         we just have some simple Texas
                         specific safety rules.



               STOCK FOOTAGE

               Cars drive through the snow.

               Text appears over it:  "Rule #1:  Go fast."

                                   ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
                         Rule number one is to always go
                         fast.  At least seventy miles an
                         hour.



               A GRAPHIC

               This shows a schematic of a car, the road surface, and
               snowflakes passing under the car.

                                   ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
                         That way, your tires hit fewer
                         snowflakes, which is naturally
                         safer.



               STOCK FOOTAGE

               A car skids on a snowy test track.

               Text appears over it:  "Rule #2:  Sometimes, go even faster."

                                   ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
                         What do you do if you start losing
                         control in snowy conditions?  Rule
                         number two says, "Go even faster."



               INT./EXT. CAR ON A SNOWY ROAD - DAY

               The car skids a bit, spooking the DRIVER.

               Then the driver snarls and slams on the gas.

                                   ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
                         Remember:  your gas pedal is how
                         you show Mother Nature who's boss.



               A GRAPHIC

               It shows the defensive-driving logo, and the words "Snow
               myths."

                                   ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
                         Rule number three:  don't believe
                         the myths about snow and ice.



               A GRAPHIC

               This one shows a stylized image of an icy surface, and then a
               magnified section of the surface, which looks bumpy.

                                   ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
                         Some people say ice is even more
                         dangerous than snow, but ice is
                         actually safer, because the tires
                         can grip its bumpy surface!



               STOCK FOOTAGE

               A heavy snowstorm.

                                   ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
                         Other people say snow impedes
                         visibility, but snow is made of
                         ice, which is see-through.  Even if
                         it looks like whiteout conditions,
                         you know what's out there.  Power
                         forward!



               EXT. SNOWY ROADSIDE - DAY

               Back to the announcer, standing by the side of the road in
               the snow.

                                   ANNOUNCER
                         The third myth is that if it's
                         snowing outside, you should just
                         stay home.  Hey, sometimes a
                         scaredy newscaster will beg you not
                         to go driving out in an ice storm. 
                         What does he know?



               A GRAPHIC

               Shows the usual logo, and the words "1. Snow is pretty."

                                   ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
                         After all, snow is pretty, and it
                         makes driving an adventure!

               The words "2. You need supplies." appear.

                                   ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
                         Also, you'll need to rush to the
                         store to buy out their supplies of
                         bread and milk.  Remember:  it's
                         snowing! and in the post
                         apocalyptic world of snow and ice,
                         perishable food items are like
                         money. 



               EXT. SNOWY ROADSIDE - DAY

               Back to the announcer by the road.

                                   ANNOUNCER
                         From this chapter, we want you to
                         remember two key points.



               A GRAPHIC

               This shows the usual logo, with the heading "Part 5:  Key
               Points".

               The words "1.  Snow problem?  No problem!" appear.

                                   ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
                         First:  always go driving in the
                         snow.  It's fun!

               The words "2.  'Too fast' is not fast enough!" appear.

                                   ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
                         Second:  the faster you dash
                         through the snow, the safer you
                         are!



               EXT. SNOWY ROADSIDE - DAY

               Back to the announcer by the road.

                                   ANNOUNCER
                         And if you have to buy into the
                         'snow myths' and you're worried
                         about collisions, the solution is
                         simple:  buy a bigger truck!



               A GRAPHIC

               The logo, plus the words "Parts 4 and 5:  Quiz!"

                                   ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
                         This concludes part five of our
                         defensive driving DVD course. 
                         Please log into our web site and
                         take the ten-minute quiz about snow
                         safety and gun-rack maintenance.

                                                              FADE OUT.



(I've cross-posted this to the Sketchwar site.)

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Comments:

[User Picture]
From:judovitch
Date:Saturday (1/2/10) 8:46am
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AWESOME. IMHO this would also make an excellent youtube short.
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[User Picture]
From:hujhax
Date:Saturday (1/2/10) 9:25am
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Thank you, sir!
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