Sketchwar is an online weekly sketch-writing group. Every week, participants write comedy sketches about that week's topic; at the end of the week, we read each other's sketches, comment, and perhaps bicker about who wrote the best sketch that week. If you're interested in participating, this page has information about how to throw a sketch into the ring, as well as the schedule of upcoming topics (next week's topic is "Fan Convention").
This week's Sketch War topic was "Snowstorm".
Sketchwar Snowstorm Edition "Snow and Ice in Texas" FADE IN: A GRAPHIC It shows a "Defensive Driving" logo. The title "Part 5: Snow and Ice" appears superimposed on it. CHEERY PRODUCTION MUSIC plays. ANNOUNCER (V.O.) Next on our defensive-driving DVD: how to drive in snow and ice! MUSIC FADES OUT. EXT. SNOWY ROADSIDE - DAY The ANNOUNCER stands by the side of the road in the snow. ANNOUNCER This is special Texas-specific material! A "Texas-specific!" logo appears briefly onscreen. ANNOUNCER Some people say Texans don't know how to drive in snow, since it smows so rarely here, but in fact, we just have some simple Texas specific safety rules. STOCK FOOTAGE Cars drive through the snow. Text appears over it: "Rule #1: Go fast." ANNOUNCER (V.O.) Rule number one is to always go fast. At least seventy miles an hour. A GRAPHIC This shows a schematic of a car, the road surface, and snowflakes passing under the car. ANNOUNCER (V.O.) That way, your tires hit fewer snowflakes, which is naturally safer. STOCK FOOTAGE A car skids on a snowy test track. Text appears over it: "Rule #2: Sometimes, go even faster." ANNOUNCER (V.O.) What do you do if you start losing control in snowy conditions? Rule number two says, "Go even faster." INT./EXT. CAR ON A SNOWY ROAD - DAY The car skids a bit, spooking the DRIVER. Then the driver snarls and slams on the gas. ANNOUNCER (V.O.) Remember: your gas pedal is how you show Mother Nature who's boss. A GRAPHIC It shows the defensive-driving logo, and the words "Snow myths." ANNOUNCER (V.O.) Rule number three: don't believe the myths about snow and ice. A GRAPHIC This one shows a stylized image of an icy surface, and then a magnified section of the surface, which looks bumpy. ANNOUNCER (V.O.) Some people say ice is even more dangerous than snow, but ice is actually safer, because the tires can grip its bumpy surface! STOCK FOOTAGE A heavy snowstorm. ANNOUNCER (V.O.) Other people say snow impedes visibility, but snow is made of ice, which is see-through. Even if it looks like whiteout conditions, you know what's out there. Power forward! EXT. SNOWY ROADSIDE - DAY Back to the announcer, standing by the side of the road in the snow. ANNOUNCER The third myth is that if it's snowing outside, you should just stay home. Hey, sometimes a scaredy newscaster will beg you not to go driving out in an ice storm. What does he know? A GRAPHIC Shows the usual logo, and the words "1. Snow is pretty." ANNOUNCER (V.O.) After all, snow is pretty, and it makes driving an adventure! The words "2. You need supplies." appear. ANNOUNCER (V.O.) Also, you'll need to rush to the store to buy out their supplies of bread and milk. Remember: it's snowing! and in the post apocalyptic world of snow and ice, perishable food items are like money. EXT. SNOWY ROADSIDE - DAY Back to the announcer by the road. ANNOUNCER From this chapter, we want you to remember two key points. A GRAPHIC This shows the usual logo, with the heading "Part 5: Key Points". The words "1. Snow problem? No problem!" appear. ANNOUNCER (V.O.) First: always go driving in the snow. It's fun! The words "2. 'Too fast' is not fast enough!" appear. ANNOUNCER (V.O.) Second: the faster you dash through the snow, the safer you are! EXT. SNOWY ROADSIDE - DAY Back to the announcer by the road. ANNOUNCER And if you have to buy into the 'snow myths' and you're worried about collisions, the solution is simple: buy a bigger truck! A GRAPHIC The logo, plus the words "Parts 4 and 5: Quiz!" ANNOUNCER (V.O.) This concludes part five of our defensive driving DVD course. Please log into our web site and take the ten-minute quiz about snow safety and gun-rack maintenance. FADE OUT.
Mood: amused · Music: none