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Peter Rogers's Blog
Artist-in-Residence at Chez Firth

Friday (1/8/10) 9:00am - ... wherein Peter writes a sketch for Sketch War.

Sketchwar is an online weekly sketch-writing group.  Every week, participants write comedy sketches about that week's topic; at the end of the week, we read each other's sketches, comment, and perhaps bicker about who wrote the best sketch that week.  If you're interested in participating, this page has information about how to throw a sketch into the ring, as well as the schedule of upcoming topics (next week's topic is "The End of an Era").

This week's Sketch War topic was "Fan Convention".

               Sketchwar
               Fan Convention Edition
               "Last Question"

               FADE IN:



               INT. UPSCALE RESTAURANT - NIGHT

               CHAUNCY (20s, nerdy, monotone) welcomes HIS DATE (20s,
               elegant, very attractive) to his table.

                                   CHAUNCY
                         Wow.  I think you're really great.

                                   HIS DATE
                         Awww!

                                   CHAUNCY
                         And I'd like to tell you a little
                         about my life --

                                   HIS DATE
                         Okay.

                                   CHAUNCY
                         -- and some of my theories.

               His date's a little creeped-out.

                                   HIS DATE
                         Hmm.



               INT. LUGGAGE STORE - DAY

               Chauncy stands next to a display of luggage, beneath a large
               "The Luggage Store" logo.

               He talks to a STORE EMPLOYEE.

                                   CHAUNCY
                         In fact, putting luggage is like
                         creating form for your whole life.

                                   STORE EMPLOYEE
                         Yes, well --

                                   CHAUNCY
                         And it, like, applies to the whole
                         world --

                                   STORE EMPLOYEE
                         Did you want to buy something?

                                   CHAUNCY
                         The world, in all its mellifluous
                         forms.

               The employee looks puzzled.



               INT./EXT. TAXI/TAXI STAND - DAY

               At a taxi-pickup curb, Chauncy leans over the window of a
               taxicab.  He has several bags from the store with him.

                                   CHAUNCY
                         My whole life, taxis have been a
                         big inspiration to me, and helped
                         me get through unemployment, foot
                         rashes, bad experiences in cyber
                         rooms --

               The taxi takes off.

                                   CHAUNCY
                         Thanks for your time!



               INT. AIRPORT GATE DESK - DAY

               Chauncy talks to the GATE AGENT.

               A long line of IMPATIENT CUSTOMERS wait behind Chauncy.

                                   CHAUNCY
                         But nobody really *gets* your work
                         as a gate agent the way that I do.

                                   GATE AGENT
                         Sir, did you actually have a
                         question?

                                   CHAUNCY
                         Yeah, I'm getting to it.  Now, my
                         theory about air travel is that the
                         air routes are like arteries,
                         right?



               INT. HOTEL FRONT DESK - DAY

               Chauncy talks to the RECEPTIONIST at a hotel front desk.

               A sign on the wall reads "Welcome Convention Guests!"

               Again, several IMPATIENT CUSTOMERS wait behind Chauncy.

                                   CHAUNCY
                         So my theory is that hotels, like,
                         represent real life.  Wouldn't you
                         say that's true?

               The receptionist looks back, puzzled.



               INT. CONVENTION HALL - DAY

               CLOSE ON a poster for the San Diego Comic Con.

                                   CHAUNCY (V.O.)
                             (whispered)
                         I have a theory about fan
                         conventions.

               Chauncy sits among a few other FANS, whispering to the fan
               next to him.

               A PAGE stands nearby.

               In the background, we hear THE SPEAKER.

                                   THE SPEAKER (O.S.)
                         And that's why I haven't worked
                         with Vertigo since then.  No bad
                         blood, just I just found a better
                         match with other companies.  I
                         think we have time for one more
                         question.

               The page looks around at Chauncy and the fans.

               All this time, Chauncy is still whispering.

                                   CHAUNCY
                             (whispered)
                         They are an Internet for ideas
                         about --

               The page points at Chauncy and interrupts --

                                   PAGE
                         You!

               The page gestures at an offscreen microphone.

                                   PAGE
                         Go and ask your question.

               Chauncy walks offscreen to the mic, overjoyed, while the
               other fans sulk.

                                   CHAUNCY (O.S.)
                         Wow.  I think you're really great.

                                   THE SPEAKER
                         Thanks.

                                   CHAUNCY (O.S.)
                         And I'd like to tell you a little
                         about my life --

                                   THE SPEAKER
                         Um....

                                   CHAUNCY (V.O.)
                         -- and some of my theories.

               A SLOW FADE starts.

               Superimpose TEXT:  "Please, don't be this guy.  San Diego
               Comic Con 2010"

                                   CHAUNCY (V.O.)
                         You see, nobody really gets your
                         comics like I do, because of my
                         life experiences --

                                   THE SPEAKER
                         Wait, do you actually have a
                         question?

                                   CHAUNCY (V.O.)
                         Yeah, I'm getting to it.

                                                              BLACKOUT.



(I've cross-posted this to the Sketchwar site.)

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Mood: [mood icon] amused · Music: none
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