Sketchwar is an online weekly sketch-writing group. Every week, participants write comedy sketches about that week's topic; at the end of the week, we read each other's sketches, comment, and perhaps bicker about who wrote the best sketch that week. If you're interested in participating, this page has information about how to throw a sketch into the ring, as well as the schedule of upcoming topics (next week's topic is "Surgery").
This week's Sketch War topic was "Lost & Found".
Sketchwar Lost & Found Edition "Circle Ten Office Plaza Training Film" FADE IN: MONTAGE A quick montage of old photographs of an office park, with star wipes from one photo to the next, and the superimposed title "Circle Ten Office Plaza Training Film." A) An exterior shot of an office building. B) Close-up of a sign that reads "Circle Ten Office Plaza". C) Interior shot of a large lobby. D) An EMPLOYEE stands at a counter beneath a "Lost & Found" sign. The lost & found center is a small room connected to the lobby by a door-sized counter. Cheesy MUZAK plays over this montage. We hear the NARRATOR over this sequence: NARRATOR (V.O.) Welcome to your new career at the lost-and-found booth at the Circle Ten Office Plaza! Pay close attention to this video, and you'll learn how to do a circle-ten-tastic job! INT. LOST AND FOUND DESK - DAY BRYAN sits at the counter beneath the "Lost & Found" sign. FREEZE FRAME on this. TITLE appears: "The Four C's of the Lost and Found" NARRATOR (V.O.) The four C's of the lost and found! The MUZAK keeps playing throughout the video -- the only audio on the training film is the muzak and the narrator. MONTAGE Various footage of circle-ten employees, with the title "1. Courtesy". A) A friendly VALET takes the keys to a BUSINESSMAN's car. B) A friendly JANITOR waits for a SECRETARY to walk by before buffing the floor. C) A friendly GROUNDSKEEPER saves a kitten stuck in a tree. NARRATOR (V.O.) At the circle ten office park, your first responsibility is always courtesy. INT. LOST AND FOUND DESK - DAY Bryan sits at the counter. NARRATOR (V.O.) So remember: show them that circle ten smile! Let the office-ten family know that they matter to you. MICHAEL walks up to the counter. Bryan smiles at Michael. Michael smiles back. Bryan's smile fades into a creepy, steely gaze. Michael, a bit disturbed, walks away. INT. LOST AND FOUND DESK - DAY Bryan sits at the counter, holding a wallet behind his back. Michael stands at the counter. The two converse. Apparently Bryan is asking questions and Michael is describing the wallet, though we can't hear the audio. Over this, a TITLE reads "2. Confirmation". NARRATOR (V.O.) Picking up items is simple. Just ask the patron to describe the lost item, so as to confirm the item is actually theirs. At circle ten, we don't want someone accidentally claiming the wrong thing! Meanwhile, the conversation between Bryan and Michael grows heated, until Bryan grabs Michael, pulls out a switchblade, and holds it to Michael's throat. INT. MAIN LOBBY - DAY A purse sits abandoned on the floor of the main lobby. TITLE: "3. Collection.' NARRATOR (V.O.) Gather up lost items in the immediate lobby area. Michael walks by, notices the purse, stops. NARRATOR (V.O.) Much as we love everyone in our circle-ten family -- Michael picks up the purse and walks towards the lost & found counter. NARRATOR (V.O.) -- someone might see fit to keep a lost item for themselves. Bryan LEAPS IN from out of frame, and SIDE-TACKLES Michael. They fall out of frame. Bryan gets up, shouts at Michael for a bit (again, we don't hear the audio), picks up the purse, and goes back to his counter. INT. BEHIND THE LOST AND FOUND DESK - DAY Inside the lost-and-found "room", Bryan bows to an elaborate shrine, complete with candles and flowers, to a GIANT PILE of lost items. TITLE: "4. Collation" NARRATOR (V.O.) Finally, be sure to keep the lost items effectively sorted. INT. LOST AND FOUND DESK - CONTINUOUS Michael approaches the desk, which has a "Closed: back in five minutes!" sign posted. NARRATOR (V.O.) This way, you can find items quickly and effectively for our circle-ten patrons. Michael knocks on the desk. Bryan gets up, alarmed. Bryan shouts at Michael (no audio), and points out the sign. Michael makes apologetic gestures. Bryan decks him. MONTAGE The same montage from the beginning. A) An exterior shot of an office building. NARRATOR (V.O.) Now you know the basics of -- CUT TO STATIC INT. OFFICE - DAY A NEW HIRE watches the static on a TV screen. SUPERVISOR (O.S.) And that's the basics of your new job, kid. Got it? NEW HIRE Yeah -- just don't act like that crazy guy, right? In the background, Bryan creeps in. NEW HIRE Right? Bryan approaches. NEW HIRE He's right behind me, isn't he? Bryan flicks open his switchblade. BRYAN Let's pour this gravy. BLACKOUT.
Mood: okay · Music: none