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Peter Rogers's Blog
Artist-in-Residence at Chez Firth

Friday (2/26/10) 8:05pm - ... wherein Peter writes a sketch for Sketch War.

Sketchwar is an online weekly sketch-writing group.  Every week, participants write comedy sketches about that week's topic; at the end of the week, we read each other's sketches, comment, and perhaps bicker about who wrote the best sketch that week.  If you're interested in participating, this page has information about how to throw a sketch into the ring, as well as the schedule of upcoming topics (next week's topic is "Westerns").

This week's Sketch War topic was "Surgery".

               Sketchwar
               Surgery Edition
               "Forms"

               FADE IN:



               INT. DOCTOR'S WAITING ROOM - DAY

               ERIC walks up to a counter where a SECRETARY works.

                                   ERIC
                         Hi, I'm Eric, I have a ten'o'clock
                         appointment --

                                   SECRETARY
                         The surgery.

                                   ERIC
                         Yeah.

               The secretary hands over a paper and a pen.

                                   ERIC
                         What's this?

                                   SECRETARY
                         It just's a form to verify you have
                         requested this treatment.

               As Eric signs, the secretary hands over another one.

               He reads it.

                                   ERIC
                         "I will not pick at any sutures, or
                         pour acid on any --"

                                   SECRETARY
                         It happens.  Just sign to say that
                         you won't do anything like that.

               Eric signs, the secretary hands over another one.

               Eric gives it a look.

                                   ERIC
                         What the hell?

                                   SECRETARY
                         It's all perfectly standard, Eric.

                                   ERIC
                         "I understand that evil spirits
                         cannot enter my body through
                         surgical incisions, and possess me
                         to --"  I don't believe in voodoo!

               The secretary hands over another form.

                                   SECRETARY
                         Then you shouldn't have a problem
                         with signing.

               Eric holds up the latest form.

                                   ERIC
                         This one just says, "No takebacks." 
                         What does that even mean?

               The secretary hands over one more form.

               Eric reads it in disbelief.

                                   ERIC
                         I refuse to acknowledge Doctor
                         Stanton as a "noble demigod."

               DOCTOR STANTON enters.

                                   DOCTOR STANTON
                         How we doin'?  All through the
                         paperwork?

                                   ERIC
                         Well, no, actually, I --

                                   DOCTOR STANTON
                         Good, good.  We can get going then!

                                   SECRETARY
                         Doctor?

                                   DOCTOR STANTON
                         Yes?

               The secretary pulls out a *massive* sheaf of forms.

                                   SECRETARY
                         You have some forms for the
                         insurance company.

               The doctor GROANS, looks at the first one.

               As he signs it --

                                   DOCTOR STANTON
                         Of *course* I'm not epileptic,
                         drunk, stoned, or clinically-dead.

                                   SECRETARY
                         And the next one.

               Eric takes a seat.  This could take a while.

                                   DOCTOR STANTON
                         "If patient dies, I promise not to
                         use voodoo to raise him from the
                         dead."  Really?

                                   SECRETARY
                         It's the rules, doctor.

                                                         FADE TO BLACK.



(I've cross-posted this to the Sketchwar site.)

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Mood: [mood icon] disappointed · Music: none
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