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Peter Rogers's Blog
Artist-in-Residence at Chez Firth

Friday (3/12/10) 9:37am - ... wherein Peter writes a sketch for Sketch War.

Sketchwar is an online weekly sketch-writing group.  Every week, participants write comedy sketches about that week's topic; at the end of the week, we read each other's sketches, comment, and perhaps bicker about who wrote the best sketch that week.  If you're interested in participating, this page has information about how to throw a sketch into the ring, as well as the schedule of upcoming topics (next week's topic is "Fired!").

This week's Sketch War topic was "Westerns".

               Sketchwar
               Westerns Edition
               "The Lost Cowpoke of Krelkon-6"

               FADE IN:



               INT. STUDIO EXEC OFFICE - DAY

               CANDACE (20s) and SAM (20s) sit across from an EXECUTIVE
               (50s, balding, ponytail) in an expensive-looking office with
               sci-fi movie posters on the walls.

                                   CANDACE
                         And the movie we're pitching you is
                         called...

                                   SAM
                         ... The Lost Cowpoke!

                                   CANDACE
                         Here's the story --

               Just as Sam picks up a printout and starts reading from it,
               the executive speaks up.

                                   EXECUTIVE
                         Stop.  Just stop.  A Western? 
                         Really?

                                   SAM
                         "The year is 1875 --"

                                   EXECUTIVE
                         Westerns are out.  Sci-fi is in.

                                   CANDACE
                         Um -- exactly!

                                   SAM
                             (sotto voce)
                         What?

                                   CANDACE
                             (sotto voce)
                         Just read.

                                   SAM
                         "The year is 1875 --"

                                   CANDACE
                         ... of the Galactic Empire!

               Candace is clearly making all of this up.

                                   SAM
                         ... and sheriff Jenkins --

                                   CANDACE
                         The sole legal enforcer of a mining
                         colony on the sixth moon of
                         Krelkon!

                                   SAM
                         Is fighting off some bandits --

                                   CANDACE
                         An invading force of sentient alien
                         mindworms!

                                   SAM
                         He chases them out of town --

                                   CANDACE
                         And they flee through hyperspace!

                                   SAM
                         But they abduct his wife --

                                   CANDACE
                         In a statis pod, to take her back
                         to their home planet!

                                   SAM
                         So he rounds up his deputy --

                                   CANDACE
                         The dreaded KillBot 3000!

                                   SAM
                         They get on their horses --

                                   CANDACE
                         That's H-O-R-apostrophe-capital-S-E
                         S, a breed of sentient spaceships.

                                   SAM
                         And even though they're almost
                         killed by Indians --

                                   CANDACE
                         By a warrior race of sentient,
                         genetically-modified spacefaring
                         buffalo!

                                   SAM
                         They, uh, get her back.

                                   CANDACE
                         By peeling her out of the gooey
                         stasis pod and ray-gun blasting
                         their way out of the mindworm
                         planet's central command!

               The executive pulls out a cell phone, presses a few buttons,
               sets it on the table.  After a moment, the BIG BOSS answers.

                                   BIG BOSS (V.O.)
                         What is it?

                                   EXECUTIVE
                         Boss, I've got a promising sci-fi
                         property for you --

                                   BIG BOSS (V.O.)
                         Dammit, sci-fi is out.  It's
                         crested.  Romantic comedies are in.

                                   CANDACE
                         Uh -- did I mention the Killbot
                         3000 is sassy and gay?

                                   BIG BOSS (V.O.)
                         Hmm.  Let's talk.

               The executive picks up the phone and talks with his boss. 
               Meanwhile --

                                   CANDACE
                             (sotto voce)
                         You think this is how Firefly got
                         made?

               Sam shrugs.

                                                              FADE OUT.


(I've cross-posted this to the Sketchwar site.)

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