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Peter Rogers's Blog
Artist-in-Residence at Chez Firth

Friday (5/14/10) 7:31pm - ... wherein Peter writes a sketch for Sketch War.

(Whew!  Back after a ~two-month absence....)

Sketchwar is an online weekly sketch-writing group.  Every week, participants write comedy sketches about that week's topic; at the end of the week, we read each other's sketches, comment, and perhaps bicker about who wrote the best sketch that week.  If you're interested in participating, this page has information about how to throw a sketch into the ring, as well as the schedule of upcoming topics (next week's topic is "LOST").

This week's Sketch War topic was "Air Travel".

               Sketchwar
               Air Travel Edition
               "Next Month, It'll Be Dragons"

               FADE IN:



               INT. AIRLINER CABIN - DAY

               ANGIE (30s) sits next to an empty aisle seat.  A large bag
               sits at her feet.

               On the other side of her, RYAN (8) sits in the window seat. 
               A small bag sits at his feet.

                                   RYAN
                         Mom, I'm bored!

                                   ANGIE
                         Do you want a movie?

               She pulls a portable DVD player out of her bag.

                                   ANGIE
                         There's Nemo, and there's Shrek,
                         and --

                                   RYAN
                         I wanna watch The Hurt Locker!

                                   ANGIE
                         What?

                                   RYAN
                         Aunt Katherine let me watch it, and
                         it was awesome, and they're all
                         trying to stop these bombs from
                         going BOOM!

                                   ANGIE
                         We don't say "BOOM!" on the plane,
                         Ryan.

                                   RYAN
                         And then one of the bombs, it blew
                         up, and it made --

               Angie points out the window.

                                   ANGIE
                         Hey, Ryan, look at that cloud! 
                         That one looks like a bird!  And
                         that one looks like a ball.  What
                         does that one look like?

                                   RYAN
                         The compression wave of a shaped C4
                         detonation!

                                   ANGIE
                         Oh god.

                                   RYAN
                         That other cloud is all crazy, like
                         an IED, or a --

                                   ANGIE
                         Let's play with your toys, okay,
                         Ryan?

               Ryan digs through his bag.

               He retrieves a plastic dinosaur.

               He retrieves another plastic dinosaur.

               An ATTENDANT pushes a cart past them, distracting Angie as --

               Ryan retrieves his favorite toy:  a big rectangular chunk of
               Play-Doh, with little multicolored "wires" of yarn stuck into
               it, and a watch clumsily embedded in the top.

                                   ANGIE
                         And look, we'll land in ju-- oh my
                         god!

                                   RYAN
                         I made it by myself out of Play
                         doh! and yarn!

                                   ANGIE
                         How did you get that past security?

               Ryan studies the toy bomb carefully.

                                   RYAN
                         Sergeant James has to stop the bomb
                         before the clock hits zero seconds.

               He prepares to remove one of the 'wires'.

               Angie nabs the toy and puts it in the bag.

                                   RYAN
                         Aw, MOM!

                                   ANGIE
                         Let's put that back and play with
                         your dinosaurs, okay?

               Just as she puts it away, the attendant comes by.

                                   ATTENDANT
                         Would you like anything to drink?

                                   RYAN
                             (to the attendant)
                         Did you know that Composition C has
                         a detonation rate of twenty-six
                         thousand feet per second?

                                   ATTENDANT
                         Aw, really?  What's a composition
                         C?

                                   ANGIE
                         It's nothing, really.  We'll all
                         have orange juice.

                                   ATTENDANT
                         Be back in a minute.  Ooh!

               At that moment, DYLAN (10) scoots by her and takes the aisle
               seat.

                                   RYAN
                         Dylan!  I was telling Mom about
                         Hurt Locker!

                                   DYLAN
                         Bombs are lame.

                                   RYAN
                         Oh.

                                   DYLAN
                         And Hurt Locker wasn't as cool as
                         Scarface.

                                   RYAN
                         Oh, yeah!

                                   ANGIE
                         What?

               Dylan takes a dinosaur.

                                   DYLAN
                             (as dinosaur)
                         "I've got three kilos to get to L.
                         A."

               Ryan picks up a dinosaur.

               The attendant returns with the drinks.

                                   RYAN
                             (as dinosaur)
                         "Give me the heroin!  I'll drive it
                         right by the cops!"

               The attendant hears this, and looks at the three of them,
               alarmed.

                                   ANGIE
                         Can I get something with alcohol?

                                                              FADE OUT.


(I've cross-posted this to the Sketchwar site.)

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