?

Log in

No account? Create an account

Peter Rogers's Blog
Artist-in-Residence at Chez Firth

Friday (8/20/10) 12:58pm - ... wherein Peter writes a sketch for Sketch War.

Sketchwar started out as an online weekly sketch-writing group.  Every week, participants would write comedy sketches about that week's topic; at the end of the week, we'd read each other's sketches, comment, and perhaps bicker about who wrote the best sketch that week. 

These days, though, I'm the only one holding down the fort, thinking up topics and writing up sketches.  If you're curious about participating, drop me a line.  This page has my list of upcoming topics (next week's topic is "Internet Dating").

This week's Sketch War topic was "Puppets".  And while we're on the topic, remember that tonight and tomorrow night are the last two performances of Crack! The Improvised Puppet Musical!  Puppet fun for everyone!

               Sketchwar
               Puppets Edition
               "Game Over!"

               FADE IN:  



               EXT. WAREHOUSE - NIGHT

               CLARK, a clean-cut police officer, hunkers behind a car near
               a big warehouse, talking to somebody out of frame.

                                   CLARK
                         Alright, we do this by the book. 
                         Secure the exits, nice and quiet. 
                         Keep the cartel from going
                         anywhere.  Wait until the SWAT team
                         comes.  Got it, Mad Dog?

               Cut to reveal --



               MAD DOG

               A police-officer puppet made of felt, with a little
               moustache, who wouldn't be out of place on Sesame Street.

               (Note:  all the profanities are clumsily bleeped out.)

                                   MAD DOG
                         Oh, fuck this shit!

               Mad Dog draws his gun, runs to the front door of the
               warehouse, kicks it open, and fires a few shots.

                                   CLARK
                         Oh crap.

               Clark follows Mad Dog in.



               INT. WAREHOUSE HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS

               Mad Dog guns down HENCHMAN #1 with a head shot.

                                   HENCHMAN #2 (O.S.)
                         The shots came from over here!

               Mad Dog tosses his gun, and pulls out a wicked-looking knife.

                                   MAD DOG
                         Heh heh heh.
                             (singing)
                         Come out and play-ay.

               He sneaks along quietly.

               HENCHMAN #2 enters.

                                   HENCHMAN #2
                         Oh, you little --

               Henchman #2 aims his gun, but too late -- Mad Dog stabs him
               through the heart.

                                   MAD DOG
                         Yeah.  That's right, bitch.

               He creeps past the body, and pushes his way into --



               INT. WAREHOUSE STORAGE ROOM - CONTINUOUS

               A dark, spacious storage room.

               Mad Dog takes a few steps in, peering into the dark, then --

               CLICK

               The lights switch on and we see THE BIG BOSS and his MINION
               in a big empty room with two exits.

               The minion has a gun aimed at Mad Dog.

                                   THE BIG BOSS 
                         So you're the one causing all this
                         trouble for the cartel?

                                   MAD DOG
                         Yeah?  Fuck you.

                                   THE BIG BOSS
                         My whole shipment has been delayed
                         by one stupid little... felt-head?

                                   MAD DOG
                         What?

               Mad Dog begins to shake with rage.

                                   MAD DOG
                         What -- did -- you -- call -- me?

               He lets out a piercing SHRIEK!

               Before anyone can react, he throws the knife at the minion.

               It spears the minion through the eye; the minion drops down
               dead.

               Mad Dog bounds over, snaps up the minion's gun, and with
               another blood-curdling scream, pistol-whips the big boss to
               the ground.

               CLOSE ON Mad Dog, straddling the big boss and hitting him
               over and over again with the gun.

               Little spurts of blood spatter across Mad Dog.

               Clark enters.

                                   CLARK
                         What the --

               Clark pulls Mad Dog off of the big boss.

                                   CLARK
                         What are you doing, Mad Dog?

               Clark looks around at the bodies.

                                   CLARK
                         You did all of this?

               Mad Dog bursts into tears.

               Mad Dog puts the gun to his own temple.

                                   CLARK
                         Oh my god.

                                   MAD DOG
                         I'll do it, man!  I'LL FUCKING DO
                         IT!  I'LL FUCKING PULL THE GODDAMN 
                         -

               Suddenly, THE SOUND OF APPROACHING FEET.

               Lots and lots of them.

                                   HENCHMAN #3
                         I think they're in here!

               Mad Dog aims the gun at Clark.

                                   CLARK
                         Whoa.  Mad Dog.

                                   MAD DOG
                         Go.

                                   CLARK
                         But the --

                                   MAD DOG
                         GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!

               Clark carefully backs out through the far door.

               A few moments pass.

               Then, the near door BUSTS OPEN with HENCHMEN.

               Mad Dog gets a few shots in before HENCHMAN #3 shoots Mad Dog
               -- it's not fatal, but Mad Dog drops the gun and falls to the
               ground.

               The henchmen approach.

                                   HENCHMAN #3
                         We gonna kill you reeeeal slooow.

               Mad Dog opens his coat to reveal --

               A BOMB.

               The timer has mere seconds left.

                                   MAD DOG
                         Game over, motherfu --



               EXT. WAREHOUSE - CONTINUOUS

               The warehouse EXPLODES! as Clark walks away from the
               building.

               The explosion knocks him to the ground.

               Bits of rubble and debris fall around him.

                                   CLARK
                         Oh, god.  Mad Dog.  What have you --

               He picks something out of the rubble --

               One of Mad Dog's little felt hands.

                                   CLARK
                         No.  NOOOOOOOO!!!



               STILL FRAME

               A puppet smashes a criminal's head against the hood of a car.

                                   VOICEOVER
                         We'll return after these messages
                         to:  Puppet Po-Po!

               SIRENS sound.

                                                              FADE OUT.



(I've cross-posted this to the Sketchwar site.)

Tags: , ,
Mood: [mood icon] amused · Music: none
Previous Entry Share Next Entry