Friday (10/29/10) 5:02pm - ... wherein Peter writes a sketch for Sketch War.
Sketchwar started out as an online weekly sketch-writing group. Every week, participants would write comedy sketches about that week's topic; at the end of the week, we'd read each other's sketches, comment, and perhaps bicker about who wrote the best sketch that week.
These days, though, I'm usually the only one holding down the fort, thinking up topics and writing up sketches. (Though Patrick Knisely has been doing some lately. w00t!) If you're curious about participating, drop me a line. This page has my list of upcoming topics (next week's topic is "mental illness").
This week's Sketch War topic was "unemployment".
Sketchwar
Unemployment Edition
"Thompson Unvocational College"
FADE IN:
EXT. CITY STREET - DAY
Slo-mo, grainy, b/w footage of urban pedestrians.
NARRATOR
The economy is tougher than ever.
To get a job, you need to get ahead
of the competition. Plus, you need
a miracle. Because the jobs aren't
there. So why not try a different
approach?
EXT. THOMPSON UNVOCATIONAL COLLEGE - DAY
A slummy college campus, labeled "Thompson Unvocational
College".
NARRATOR
With Thompson Unvocational College?
INT. CLASSROOM - DAY
A TEACHER lectures in front of a large display.
The display reads, "CHEAP FOODS", and lists "Rice" ("yes!"),
"Beans" ("yes!"), and "Ramen" ("No!").
NARRATOR
At Thompson Unvocational College,
we teach you the skills you'll need
for a life spent unemployed.
Because face it, that's what
today's college grads are getting.
INT. DEPARTMENT STORE - DAY
A bored GREETER greets a series of CUSTOMERS.
NARRATOR
Why waste time picking up skills
you'll never use in those few part
time gigs you might luck into?
INT. CLASSROOM - DAY
STUDENTS socialize in a classroom, while TEACHERS' ASSISTANTS
carry clipboards and monitor them.
NARRATOR
When you could learn the networking
skills you'll need to acquire free
food and shelter?
INT. OFFICE - DAY
A DOCTOR speaks one-on-one with a STUDENT.
NARRATOR
Basic medical self-diagnosis, since
nobody will offer you medical
insurance?
INT. CLASSROOM - DAY
A TEACHER lectures in front of a blackboard that reads,
"Conflict Mediation -- Basic Principles".
NARRATOR
Or the extensive conflict
resolution techniques you'll need
to survive moving back in with your
parents?
CGI FOOTAGE
Clunky, "Money for Nothing"-like CGI shows a STUDENT sitting
in a scummy apartment.
NARRATOR
And our state-of-the-art technology
will prepare you --
INT. VIRTUAL-REALITY CHAMBER - DAY
A STUDENT sits in a plain chair in the exact same pose.
He wears a clunky pair of VR goggles, hooked up to a large
machine labeled "The Sitting Around the House All Day
Simulator 3000X".
NARRATOR
-- for all the scenarios that
you'll face as a member of the
fastest-growing occupation in
America: unemployment!
EXT. PARK - DAY
A STUDENT reads a copy of Hamlet in an idyllic park.
NARRATOR
And of course, we offer a full
program in the liberal arts, so
that you can stay amused for a
lifetime with nothing more than a
library card and a bus pass!
EXT. THOMPSON UNVOCATIONAL COLLEGE - DAY
The same slummy college campus.
This time, the superimposed text reads:
NARRATOR
Thompson Unvocational College:
preparing you for tomorrow's
unemployment... today!
FADE OUT.
(I've cross-posted this to the Sketchwar site.)
Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/niaha/kitty/ankhappyg.gif) amused · Music: none |
