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Peter Rogers's Blog
Artist-in-Residence at Chez Firth

Friday (11/19/10) 6:22pm - ... wherein Peter writes a sketch for Sketch War.

Sketchwar started out as an online weekly sketch-writing group.  Every week, participants would write comedy sketches about that week's topic; at the end of the week, we'd read each other's sketches, comment, and perhaps bicker about who wrote the best sketch that week. 

These days, though, I'm usually the only one holding down the fort, thinking up topics and writing up sketches.  (Though Patrick Knisely has been doing some lately.  w00t!)  If you're curious about participating, drop me a line.  This page has my list of upcoming topics (next week's topic is "New Music").

This week's Sketch War topic was "The Courtroom".

               Sketchwar
               The Courtroom Edition
               "The Lawson Longshot"

               FADE IN:



               INT. COURTROOM - DAY

               ONLOOKERS fill a set of audience seats in a courtroom.

               BOB (20s) finds a seat next to JIMMY (50s).

               From offscreen, JUDGE LAWSON's voice rings out -- a snarly
               version of one of Charlie Brown's teachers.

                                   DEFENSE LAWYER (O.S.)
                         But, Judge Lawson --

               MORE SNARLING!

               Lawson's snarling voice continues in the background
               throughout.

               Bob leans over to Jimmy.

                                   BOB
                         Does Lawson just find people in
                         contempt of court at random?

                                   JIMMY
                         Three times per case, on average.

               ENRICO sidles in next to Jimmy.

                                   ENRICO
                         Hear anything about the new guy
                         defending the Pulaski case?

                                   BOB
                         Oh, that's me.  Bob Carton.

                                   ENRICO
                         Wow.  Okay, twenty bucks says the
                         new guy loses.

                                   BOB
                         What?

               Jimmy makes a note.

                                   JIMMY
                         Got it, Enrico.

                                   BOB
                         Wait, did he --? never mind.

               ANGELA pokes her head in.

                                   ANGELA
                         Thirty on a continuance in Pulaski.

                                   JIMMY
                         That's five-to-one.

                                   ANGELA
                         Sounds good.

               She heads off.

                                   BOB
                         But the case should be open-and
                         shut, since --

                                   JIMMY
                         Should be, but Lawson is insane.

               CLIFF sidles up next to Jimmy.

                                   CLIFF
                         I'm taking an exacta on the summary
                         judgment followed by punitive
                         damages in the Pulaski case.

                                   JIMMY
                         And your usual side bet?

                                   CLIFF
                         Yeah, five bucks says Lawson tells
                         a long, irrelevant story about his
                         cat.

               Cliff exits.

                                   BOB
                         You're a bookie?

                                   JIMMY
                         Betting is the only thing that
                         makes Lawson bearable.

               OTIS enters.

                                   OTIS
                         I'm bettin' on a sensible court
                         judgment in Pulaski, at 12:1.

                                   JIMMY
                         Otis, are you sure about that? 
                         Lawson's usually drunk by 3pm.

                                   OTIS
                         I got a system!

               Otis exits.

                                   BOB
                         This is ridiculous!

                                   JIMMY
                         Lawson is a capricious and evil
                         man.  If it weren't for gambling,
                         we'd all just focus on the
                         injustice of it all.

               ROSE peeks in.

                                   ROSE
                         My usual penny on the longshot,
                         James.

                                   JIMMY
                         Absolutely.  Lawson pulls out an
                         AK, you take home a cool grand.

                                   ROSE
                         It could happen, James!  You never
                         know!

               Rose exits.

                                   BOB
                         This is ridiculous!

                                   JIMMY
                         Shh!

                                   BOB
                         This is so wrong I'm not even sure
                         it's illegal!  How can you make
                         this travesty of --

                                   JIMMY
                         Just stop!

                                   BOB
                         This travesty of the justice system
                         just so you can make a quick --

               An especially loud SNARL from Judge Lawson.

               Bob stops.

                                   JIMMY
                         Uh-oh.

               Bob turns around.

               Lengthy snarling dialog from Lawson.

                                   BOB
                         Fine.

               A BAILIFF walks up to Bob and escorts him away.

               Enrico and Cliff re-enter.

                                   CLIFF
                         Lawson threw out the defense
                         attorney in Pulaski before the case
                         even started!

                                   ENRICO
                         Ha!  Jimmy, that pays triple!

                                   JIMMY
                         Fine.

               More snarling from Lawson.

                                   CLIFF
                         Hey, now he's talking about his
                         cat!

               Jimmy buries his face in his hands.

                                                              FADE OUT.




(I've cross-posted this to the Sketchwar site.)

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Mood: [mood icon] amused · Music: none
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