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Peter Rogers's Blog
Artist-in-Residence at Chez Firth

Friday (1/13/12) 4:25pm - ... wherein Peter posts another Sketchwar thingie.

Some time ago, I participated in something called "Sketchwar".  Every Saturday, we'd pick a topic.  Then we'd all write a sketch that had to do with that topic, and post it the following Friday.  The next day, we'd have a new topic to work on, and so on.

I figured, now that I have time for such things, I'd start doing this again.  This week, I set myself the topic of The Twilight Zone.  For next week, I'll continue with the 'current improv show' theme by doing something Star Trek-based.


          FADE IN:

          INT. SALES OFFICE - DAY

          A late-50s sales office.  A bit plain-looking.  All shot in
          black-and-white.  A couple of 20-something SECRETARIES type
          at their desks.

          JERRY HAGMAN (mid 20s) all but jumps out through a door
          marked "Carlyle Cinchman, Sr. Assoc.".

                              CARLYLE (O.S.)
                    Get out!  And stay out!  And don't
                    set foot in here until you've got
                    some sales numbers, Jerry!

                              JERRY
                    You got it, Mr. Cinchman!
                         (to himself)
                    Ah, if I could just catch a break,
                    I know I could nab a big sale!

          Suddenly, everything FREEZES -- the secretaries go still,
          the typewriters go silent -- except for Jerry.

          A DEMON materializes.  The demon has the form of a dapper,
          white-haired Englishman -- unflappable confidence, with just
          a hint of smug.

                              DEMON
                    Did you just ask for a 'break', Mr.
                    Hagman?

                              JERRY
                    Yeah -- wait.  Who are you?  How do
                    you know my name?

                              DEMON
                    Oh, we know everything about you: 
                    Jerry Hagman, 25 years old, a
                    go-getter at Cinchman & Caldwell
                    who so far hasn't gone and gotten
                    anything.

          Jerry waves a hand in front of a secretary.

                              JERRY
                    How's everything frozen?

                              DEMON
                    We have stopped time, so we can be
                    undisturbed while we discuss your
                    contract.

                              JERRY
                    What contract?

          The demon waves a hand, and a contract appears.

                              DEMON
                    We are prepared to offer you a
                    million billion dollars, even, just
                    so long as you --

                              TRAINER (V.O.)
                    Wait!  Stop!

          Now Jerry freezes as well.

          The DEMON TRAINER materializes -- he looks much more
          traditionally-demonic, but has an air of wearied patience.

          Suddenly, the demon looks worried and apologetic.

                              TRAINER
                    Okay, what did we do wrong there?

          The demon thinks a moment.

                              DEMON
                    Um... too... too much...

                              TRAINER
                    Too much money, right.  That number
                    doesn't even make sense to the
                    mark.

                              DEMON
                    Sorry.

                              TRAINER
                    You can offer money, but not so
                    much money that it upturns the
                    entire economy.

                              DEMON
                    Can I try again?

          The trainer nods and waves a hand.

          The screen BLURS and we're back to...

                              JERRY
                    What contract?

          The demon materializes the contract again.

                              DEMON
                    A contract that will reward you
                    with not one, but *two* free movie
                    tickets for the showing of your --

                              TRAINER (V.O.)
                    No!

          Jerry looks confused.

                              DEMON
                    Too litte?

                              TRAINER (V.O.)
                    Way too little.  Try again.

          The screen blurs, and were back to the demon, holding a
          contract.

                              DEMON
                    This contract stipulates that if
                    you do not accept these terms, we
                    kill this adorable kitten.

          He points at a desk.  A kitten pops into existence on it. 
          Mews.

          The trainer appears, freezes Jerry.

                              TRAINER
                    What?  What is this?

                              DEMON
                    It's the right amount, right?

                              TRAINER
                    Killing kittens is tacky.

                              DEMON
                    Do we have to do this sales
                    office?  I'd rather visit a castle!

                              TRAINER
                    Close this deal first, Bruce.

          The trainer waves a hand, and the screen blurs back to the
          demon holding a contract.

                              DEMON
                    This contract will give you a
                    silver tongue.  You'll be able to
                    sell anything to anybody!

                              JERRY
                    That sounds perfect!  Sign me up!

                              DEMON
                    Of course, your near-hypnotic
                    powers will alienate the public,
                    and eventually you'll probably get
                    taken down by a lynch mob.

                              JERRY
                    I... what?

          The trainer enters again, freezes Jerry.

                              TRAINER
                    What's rule number three, Bruce? 
                    "Never...

                              TRAINER & DEMON
                    "... mention the deal's inherent
                    drawbacks."

                              DEMON
                    Okay, okay, I got it this time.

          Trainer waves a hand; screen blurs; back to the demon
          holding the contract.

                              DEMON
                    Actually, y'know what?  Forget the
                    contract.  Let's just time-travel
                    back to medieval France.  Have you
                    ever seen a jousting tournament?

          The trainer walks on, freezing Jerry, and gives the demon a
          long, disappointed look.

                              DEMON
                    Well, why not?  Why do we have to
                    keep offering cruelly ironic
                    bargains to these people?  Can't we
                    do something fun?

                              TRAINER
                    I want you to go over there, and
                    take a few minutes to think about
                    how stupid what you just said is.

          The demon sighs and stomps off.

          The trainer finds a seat, sits.

          Time passes.

          Suddenly a classic gray ALIEN appears.

                              ALIEN
                    Demonic trainer number 5821.  We
                    are prepared to offer you a gift
                    that will make you a million
                    billion times better than all other
                    training employees.

                              DEMON (O.S.)
                    Oh, that's just weak.

                              ALIEN
                    You stay out of this, Bruce!

                                                        FADE OUT.

 

Nope, not a ton of inspiration this week.  Ah well.  Good that I still finished something.

Tags:
Mood: [mood icon] peaceful · Music: none
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Comments:

[User Picture]
From:Andrew Pish
Date:Friday (1/13/12) 7:03pm
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Love it! If you were interested, I'd love to form a sketch war, or whatever, group/pair with you. No pressure, but I thought it could be interesting.
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[User Picture]
From:hujhax
Date:Saturday (1/14/12) 1:59pm
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That'd be great!  Just write a sketch about Star Trek this week, and either post it on Friday or send it to me.  We can keep each other honest w/r/t weekly sketch-writing. :)
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[User Picture]
From:Andrew Pish
Date:Saturday (1/14/12) 4:20pm
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Awesome! Will do, partner.
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