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Peter Rogers's Blog
Artist-in-Residence at Chez Firth

Friday (2/17/12) 4:25pm - ... wherein Peter posts yet another Sketchwar thingie.

Some time ago, I participated in something called "Sketchwar".  Every Saturday, we'd pick a topic.  Then we'd all write a sketch that had to do with that topic, and post it the following Friday.  The next day, we'd have a new topic to work on, and so on.

I figured, now that I have time for such things, I'd start doing this again.  This week, I set myself the topic of "a walk in the woods"  If anybody wants to join in the Sketchwar fray (Andrew Pish was participating for a while, but seems to have wussed outdisappeared), next week's topic is "useless skills".


          FADE IN:

          EXT. OFFICE BUILDING - DAY

          A clean, shiny office building.

                              DOCENT (V.O.)
                    The next part of the intelligence
                    test covers situations.

          INT. OFFICE - CONTINUOUS

          The DOCENT sits across a desk from HANK (40s), a grizzled
          type in an ill-fitting suit.

                              DOCENT
                    So, I'll explain a situation to
                    you. You explain how you deal with
                    it.

                              HANK
                    Mmm.

                              DOCENT
                    Okay, first situation: you're lost
                    in the woods. How do you find your
                    way back to civilization?

                              HANK
                    That's a tricky one.

                              DOCENT
                    Take as long as you need.

                              HANK
                    'cos the forest?  The forest wants
                    you to die.

                              DOCENT
                    Oh-kay...

                              HANK
                    First thing is, make sure you go in
                    a line.  The forest?  The forest'll
                    make you walk in circles, round and
                    round, 'til you die.

                              DOCENT
                    So how do you do --

                              HANK
                    You pick three spots in a line,
                    start walking.  Get to the second,
                    pick a fourth.  Get to the third,
                    pick a fifth.

                              DOCENT
                    Interesting.

                              HANK
                    And if'n it rained, you can check
                    the moss, which'll grow on the
                    north sides of the trees.

                              DOCENT
                    Moss?

                              HANK
                    Or, if you have a clear enough view
                    of the sky, you can guide yourself
                    by the sun.  Or if it's nighttime,
                    sight the north star.

                              DOCENT
                    Right, and you just keep walking
                    'til --

                              HANK
                    You keep walking.  And you use
                    everything you got to keep the
                    madness at bay.

                              DOCENT
                    Sorry -- did you say --

                              HANK
                    Oh, there ain't nothin' lonelier
                    than losing your way in the woods. 
                    You can scream, but the leaves just
                    eat your voice.  You can run, but
                    the woods, they just go on
                    forever.  It's just you, like a
                    tiny little speck, surrounded by
                    hundreds of those centuries life,
                    all of it waiting to snuff you out.

                              DOCENT
                    I think we're getting off-topic --

                              HANK
                    Sometimes their voices call out to
                    you.  Maybe you find yourself on
                    some sheer drop, and the spirit of
                    the woods is there, tempting you to
                    end it all.

                              DOCENT
                    Okay, now --

                              HANK
                    L'appel du vide, the French call
                    it.

                              DOCENT
                    That's not really a *strategy*,
                    though --

                              HANK
                    So you just keep walking.  Keep
                    walking, and hope you chose right. 
                    Pray with every step that you find
                    an escape before the madness finds
                    you.

                              DOCENT
                    Okay.

                              HANK
                    Mm-hmm.

                              DOCENT
                    Or also, you could climb a tall
                    tree and see which way the
                    buildings are.

          Beat.

                              HANK
                    Dammit.

                              DOCENT
                    Yeah.

                              HANK
                    This mean I'm not getting the
                    accounting job?

                              DOCENT
                    Probably not.

                                                        FADE OUT.




This is the only Sketchwar entry I've written that's based on something that happened to me -- I had that exact question on an IQ test, and rattled off everything except "climb a tree".  (Duh.)

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