Had an extensive, two part dream last night.
The world was ending. In the first scenario, I wasn't sure as to what exactly was happening to the world. But apparently people were mass fleeing north. I was with the first wave of people headed that way, so it wasn't super gridlocked yet. I don't remember much of the details, except that it was inevitable, imminent, and sad.
The dream was disturbing, and I remember wanting out of it. It gradually dawned on me that I might be dreaming, so I woke up. It was like 7:58. I knew I'd pass out again, and I also remember trying to shake the dream off so that I wouldn't experience part 2.
No such luck. This time the mood stayed the same, but the details changed, and in retrospect, it was kind of hilarious.
This time I was not with the first wave of refugees. I was still in Austin, and it was quickly becoming obvious that most people were fleeing.
I *still* had no idea what was destroying the world. But apparently whatever it was was going to be gradual, and by moving north you could buy yourself some time... maybe even enough time to live out your life comparatively normally.
I remember asking people what the deal was... explaining as I did so that I'd been busy lately with The Hideout and theatre stuff, and hadn't really been paying close attention to the news.
Finally, I experienced what was wrong with the world. Clouds started rolling in over Austin. But they weren't clouds. It was a solid sheets of ice, like you're under a glacier or something, and they were super low. It only really made dream sense. Someone explained that basically oil spills and carbon dioxide and other things had taken their toll, and now basically this huge frozen hurricane thing was coming onto land.
So end of the world, sure. But it would take a while.
ANYhow, I go to the Hideout. The baristas are all excited, because the owners of a nearby furniture and clothing store who is understandably fleeing the apocalypse, has told us we can have all their stock. So we're redecorating the interior. I like the new furniture, but also have some constructive comments.
So, the End of the World... temporarily good for the Hideout!
We're about 16 days from our premier of Blood, Sweat, and Cheers.
Yeah, I'm sweating it a little bit. I don't necessarily feel like we're behind or anything. I mean, of course I wish certain things were in place by now...but I've never ever been in an artistic project that didn't feel like it wasn't quite ready to be made when it was time to make it...if that makes sense.
Nothing will ever feel "perfect". Plus, with live theatre, there is so much you can't know until the damn thing is in front of an audience. That's where the real magic happens (and real lessons are learned).
I can't stop thinking about this show. All my thoughts are cheer thoughts. I feel a little insane.
Elements are falling into place every day. I have a box of props in my house, more are on their way. My schedule is filled with to-do items and errands for the show. I am wearing all of my hats (performer, dancer, producer, designer, wrangler la la la). I am ready for this all to happen and also a bit terrified. We have a deadline that is fast approaching. A deadline I have had in the back of my mind for 8 months. Where has the time gone?
We reached our Kickstarter goal. We got a local grant. We're going to be on the local NPR station in an Arts Eclectic segment. I hope I'm doing all I can. Tickets are live: http://www.austincheershow.com/Au
I can jump in the air now. Pretty high. Stamina is up. I can kick high, too. I did 165 sit-ups and 50 push-ups the other day.
I can't believe how often I wear short shorts, sports bras, and my hair in a pony tail. How much of this will stick with me after the show is over? How can an artistic pursuit become so all-consuming?
I don't have any regrets about it, I just find the whole thing a little mind-boggling. Yeah, it was my idea...but ideas are different from realization.
I have moments of great euphoria. I love the cast and crew. Everyone has what they need to make this work. The main thing we all need now is confidence in ourselves and a sense of joy and play within the pieces.
My goal for myself is to let go more, to not let myself wind up into a stressed-out ball of check-lists and headaches.
I am nervous, yes. I've never led something so big. And yet I feel...ready. I know I can do it.
If I prayed, I'd pray for strength in mind and body. I want everyone involved to feel my love and trust in them.