Sketchwar is an online weekly sketch-writing group. Every week, participants write comedy sketches about that week's topic; at the end of the week, we read each other's sketches, comment, and perhaps bicker about who wrote the best sketch that week. If you're interested in participating, this page has information about how to throw a sketch into the ring, as well as the schedule of upcoming topics (next week's topic is "Snowstorm").
This week's Sketch War topic was "The End of the World".
Friday Sketch War The End of the World Edition "Destroying the Earth, Over and Over" FADE IN: INT. BUSINESS OFFICE - DAY MASON and ZANE (20s, fashion-y suits) sit across from T'HOTH, a robed, bumpy-headed alien with a sheaf of papers. There are posters on the wall for movies like Dragonocalypse, The Gray Goo, and The Day the Moon Smashed Into the Earth. T'HOTH Conventionally, I would bring a battalion of spaceships to the planet, fire up large-phase energy weapons, and -- MASON T'Hoth, Ima stop you right there. ZANE Spaceships? MASON Played out. Totally played out. T'Hoth flips through his papers. T'HOTH But most of my methods for destroying planets are rather spaceship-centric. MASON 'saright. You've destroyed hundreds of planets. ZANE Just show us what you got, High Emperor T'Hoth. All ears. T'HOTH Ah -- you could trap the Earth in a simultaneity loop. That way, temporal copies of the Earth keep appearing in the same moment, until it all compacts into a steady-state "neutron ring" along the planetary orbit -- MASON Whoa. ZANE Too "science." MASON It's original, and that's good. ZANE But we need a way to destroy the earth that a drooling, brain damaged five-year-old can understand. T'HOTH You could stop the rotation of the earth's core. MASON Done. T'HOTH Blow up the sun. ZANE Done. T'HOTH Hit the earth with a really big hammer. MASON Technically, the same as Armageddon. T'HOTH Amass an army of space dragons -- ZANE Animals? Played. out. T'HOTH Crash the moon into -- MASON Done. T'HOTH Comets ta-- MASON Done. T'HOTH Open a wormh-- ZANE Done. Twice. T'HOTH Well, that's me out of ideas. I mean, in the long run it'll be resource depletion and greenhouse gases -- MASON Too Obama. ZANE Not enough explosions. T'HOTH Hey. Thanks for giving me a chance. He shakes hands with Mason. MASON Check is in the mail, bro. ZANE So. Zane pulls out a promotional one-sheet with: (1) a man running towards the camera with a gun; (2) lots of wind in the background; (3) the title "Assloads'o'Tornadoes." ZANE We go with plan A? MASON Only if we pronounce it "TOR-nuh doze." ZANE Deal. They shake hands. STAR WIPE TO: A CLOSE-UP OF THE POSTER BACKGROUND SINGERS (V.O.) Assloads of TOR-nuh-doze! Spinnin' around and destroyin' the planet! Assloads of TOR-nuh-doze! Gonna hit that wind with a really big hammer! Assloads of TOR-nuh-doze! FADE OUT.
Mood: amused · Music: none