[Missed a week, owing to continuing laziness.]
Sketchwar started out as an online weekly sketch-writing group. Every week, participants would write comedy sketches about that week's topic; at the end of the week, we'd read each other's sketches, comment, and perhaps bicker about who wrote the best sketch that week.
These days, though, I'm the only one holding down the fort, thinking up topics and writing up sketches. If you're curious about participating, drop me a line. This page has my list of upcoming topics (next week's topic is "Heat Wave").
This week's Sketch War topic was "Seduction".
Sketchwar Seduction Edition "Unexpected Downtime" FADE IN: OPENING TITLE A gauzy camera pans across blinking network equipment as soft, ROMANTIC MUSIC plays. ANNOUNCER We now return to Harlequin IT Theatre's presentation: "Unexpected Downtime". The title "Unexpected Downtime" appears over the footage, in an appropriately scrolly, romance-novel-y font. INT. OFFICE - NIGHT SHOSHANNA (20s), a bit too fancily-dressed and -coiffed for office work, sits at her elegant desk in her elegant office. Her computer shows an error message. SHOSHANNA Dammit! REYNALDO (20s) enters in the background, barely visible. REYNALDO Shoshanna, you said you've hit a routing connectivity error with an 802.11g WiFi card. Shoshanna whips around to see -- REYNALDO We get a better look at him now -- he's basically Fabio in an white short-sleeved dress shirt and Dockers. SHOSHANNA Reynaldo! How dare you set foot in my office? REYNALDO It's my job. And there's no network-migration problem you can get into that I can't fix. SHOSHANNA Oh, really? Well, when you 'fixed' Clarissa's machine, you stripped her motherboard bare, paved her OS, and left her with a minimal distro of Ubuntu. I... can never trust you again, Reynaldo. Reynaldo approaches, all puppy-dog sympathy. REYNALDO Please. Shoshanna. You don't even have LAN access. SHOSHANNA Oh, fine! Just this once! She steps aside, and Reynaldo hunkers down over the computer. REYNALDO Aha. He whips off his shirt. SHOSHANNA What?! Why are you removing your shirt in my office! He turns his attention back to Shoshanna. REYNALDO I can't help it, Shoshanna. Your machine, it... runs hotter than normal. SHOSHANNA Oh? REYNALDO I may have to manipulate your heat sink until things cool down. SHOSHANNA But... what's wrong with it? Reynaldo gets closer and closer to Shoshanna. REYNALDO Maybe your fans need to be oiled. Maybe there's a loose plug that needs to be grabbed and firmly seated. Now they're mere inches apart. REYNALDO ... or maybe your disk hasn't been defragmented in a long, long time. SHOSHANNA Oh, damn you, Reynaldo! Damn your smoldering eyes and thorough technical expertise! She kisses him, passionately. As they continue kissing, the camera pans away to a blinking network router and blurs out of focus. MR. CARLSON (O.S.) WAIT ONE MINUTE! MR. CARLSON -- a mean old man in a fancy suit -- stands just outside the office doorway. REYNALDO Mr. Carlson! SHOSHANNA Daddy! MR. CARLSON If it isn't Reynaldo, the bad-boy IT-maintenance engineer. This is not your lucky day, son. Mr. Carlson brandishes a sheet of paper clearly labeled 'corporate reassignment'. MR. CARLSON I've got you reassigned... to IT support at the Bangalore remote office. Effective immediately. REYNALDO Mr. Carlson, of all the underhanded -- MR. CARLSON Get your shirt and go, son. Reynaldo grabs his shirt and exits. SHOSHANNA But, daddy! MR. CARLSON It's for your own good, princess. SHOSHANNA You! You just outsourced the only man I ever loved! Shoshanna SLAMS the door on Mr. Carlson. She BURSTS INTO TEARS. CLOSING TITLE Same as before -- gauzy camera, network equipment, ROMANTIC MUSIC. ANNOUNCER Harlequin IT Theatre's presentation of: "Unexpected Downtime" will return after these messages. FADE OUT.
Mood: amused · Music: none