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Peter Rogers's Blog
Artist-in-Residence at Chez Firth

Friday (8/20/10) 12:58pm - ... wherein Peter writes a sketch for Sketch War.

Sketchwar started out as an online weekly sketch-writing group.  Every week, participants would write comedy sketches about that week's topic; at the end of the week, we'd read each other's sketches, comment, and perhaps bicker about who wrote the best sketch that week. 

These days, though, I'm the only one holding down the fort, thinking up topics and writing up sketches.  If you're curious about participating, drop me a line.  This page has my list of upcoming topics (next week's topic is "Internet Dating").

This week's Sketch War topic was "Puppets".  And while we're on the topic, remember that tonight and tomorrow night are the last two performances of Crack! The Improvised Puppet Musical!  Puppet fun for everyone!

               Puppets Edition
               "Game Over!"

               FADE IN:  

               EXT. WAREHOUSE - NIGHT

               CLARK, a clean-cut police officer, hunkers behind a car near
               a big warehouse, talking to somebody out of frame.

                         Alright, we do this by the book. 
                         Secure the exits, nice and quiet. 
                         Keep the cartel from going
                         anywhere.  Wait until the SWAT team
                         comes.  Got it, Mad Dog?

               Cut to reveal --

               MAD DOG

               A police-officer puppet made of felt, with a little
               moustache, who wouldn't be out of place on Sesame Street.

               (Note:  all the profanities are clumsily bleeped out.)

                                   MAD DOG
                         Oh, fuck this shit!

               Mad Dog draws his gun, runs to the front door of the
               warehouse, kicks it open, and fires a few shots.

                         Oh crap.

               Clark follows Mad Dog in.


               Mad Dog guns down HENCHMAN #1 with a head shot.

                                   HENCHMAN #2 (O.S.)
                         The shots came from over here!

               Mad Dog tosses his gun, and pulls out a wicked-looking knife.

                                   MAD DOG
                         Heh heh heh.
                         Come out and play-ay.

               He sneaks along quietly.

               HENCHMAN #2 enters.

                                   HENCHMAN #2
                         Oh, you little --

               Henchman #2 aims his gun, but too late -- Mad Dog stabs him
               through the heart.

                                   MAD DOG
                         Yeah.  That's right, bitch.

               He creeps past the body, and pushes his way into --


               A dark, spacious storage room.

               Mad Dog takes a few steps in, peering into the dark, then --


               The lights switch on and we see THE BIG BOSS and his MINION
               in a big empty room with two exits.

               The minion has a gun aimed at Mad Dog.

                                   THE BIG BOSS 
                         So you're the one causing all this
                         trouble for the cartel?

                                   MAD DOG
                         Yeah?  Fuck you.

                                   THE BIG BOSS
                         My whole shipment has been delayed
                         by one stupid little... felt-head?

                                   MAD DOG

               Mad Dog begins to shake with rage.

                                   MAD DOG
                         What -- did -- you -- call -- me?

               He lets out a piercing SHRIEK!

               Before anyone can react, he throws the knife at the minion.

               It spears the minion through the eye; the minion drops down

               Mad Dog bounds over, snaps up the minion's gun, and with
               another blood-curdling scream, pistol-whips the big boss to
               the ground.

               CLOSE ON Mad Dog, straddling the big boss and hitting him
               over and over again with the gun.

               Little spurts of blood spatter across Mad Dog.

               Clark enters.

                         What the --

               Clark pulls Mad Dog off of the big boss.

                         What are you doing, Mad Dog?

               Clark looks around at the bodies.

                         You did all of this?

               Mad Dog bursts into tears.

               Mad Dog puts the gun to his own temple.

                         Oh my god.

                                   MAD DOG
                         I'll do it, man!  I'LL FUCKING DO
                         IT!  I'LL FUCKING PULL THE GODDAMN 

               Suddenly, THE SOUND OF APPROACHING FEET.

               Lots and lots of them.

                                   HENCHMAN #3
                         I think they're in here!

               Mad Dog aims the gun at Clark.

                         Whoa.  Mad Dog.

                                   MAD DOG

                         But the --

                                   MAD DOG
                         GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!

               Clark carefully backs out through the far door.

               A few moments pass.

               Then, the near door BUSTS OPEN with HENCHMEN.

               Mad Dog gets a few shots in before HENCHMAN #3 shoots Mad Dog
               -- it's not fatal, but Mad Dog drops the gun and falls to the

               The henchmen approach.

                                   HENCHMAN #3
                         We gonna kill you reeeeal slooow.

               Mad Dog opens his coat to reveal --

               A BOMB.

               The timer has mere seconds left.

                                   MAD DOG
                         Game over, motherfu --


               The warehouse EXPLODES! as Clark walks away from the

               The explosion knocks him to the ground.

               Bits of rubble and debris fall around him.

                         Oh, god.  Mad Dog.  What have you --

               He picks something out of the rubble --

               One of Mad Dog's little felt hands.

                         No.  NOOOOOOOO!!!

               STILL FRAME

               A puppet smashes a criminal's head against the hood of a car.

                         We'll return after these messages
                         to:  Puppet Po-Po!

               SIRENS sound.

                                                              FADE OUT.

(I've cross-posted this to the Sketchwar site.)

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Mood: [mood icon] amused · Music: none
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