Sketchwar started out as an online weekly sketch-writing group. Every week, participants would write comedy sketches about that week's topic; at the end of the week, we'd read each other's sketches, comment, and perhaps bicker about who wrote the best sketch that week.
These days, though, I'm the only one holding down the fort, thinking up topics and writing up sketches. If you're curious about participating, drop me a line. This page has my list of upcoming topics (next week's topic is "Internet Dating").
This week's Sketch War topic was "Puppets". And while we're on the topic, remember that tonight and tomorrow night are the last two performances of Crack! The Improvised Puppet Musical! Puppet fun for everyone!
Sketchwar Puppets Edition "Game Over!" FADE IN: EXT. WAREHOUSE - NIGHT CLARK, a clean-cut police officer, hunkers behind a car near a big warehouse, talking to somebody out of frame. CLARK Alright, we do this by the book. Secure the exits, nice and quiet. Keep the cartel from going anywhere. Wait until the SWAT team comes. Got it, Mad Dog? Cut to reveal -- MAD DOG A police-officer puppet made of felt, with a little moustache, who wouldn't be out of place on Sesame Street. (Note: all the profanities are clumsily bleeped out.) MAD DOG Oh, fuck this shit! Mad Dog draws his gun, runs to the front door of the warehouse, kicks it open, and fires a few shots. CLARK Oh crap. Clark follows Mad Dog in. INT. WAREHOUSE HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS Mad Dog guns down HENCHMAN #1 with a head shot. HENCHMAN #2 (O.S.) The shots came from over here! Mad Dog tosses his gun, and pulls out a wicked-looking knife. MAD DOG Heh heh heh. (singing) Come out and play-ay. He sneaks along quietly. HENCHMAN #2 enters. HENCHMAN #2 Oh, you little -- Henchman #2 aims his gun, but too late -- Mad Dog stabs him through the heart. MAD DOG Yeah. That's right, bitch. He creeps past the body, and pushes his way into -- INT. WAREHOUSE STORAGE ROOM - CONTINUOUS A dark, spacious storage room. Mad Dog takes a few steps in, peering into the dark, then -- CLICK The lights switch on and we see THE BIG BOSS and his MINION in a big empty room with two exits. The minion has a gun aimed at Mad Dog. THE BIG BOSS So you're the one causing all this trouble for the cartel? MAD DOG Yeah? Fuck you. THE BIG BOSS My whole shipment has been delayed by one stupid little... felt-head? MAD DOG What? Mad Dog begins to shake with rage. MAD DOG What -- did -- you -- call -- me? He lets out a piercing SHRIEK! Before anyone can react, he throws the knife at the minion. It spears the minion through the eye; the minion drops down dead. Mad Dog bounds over, snaps up the minion's gun, and with another blood-curdling scream, pistol-whips the big boss to the ground. CLOSE ON Mad Dog, straddling the big boss and hitting him over and over again with the gun. Little spurts of blood spatter across Mad Dog. Clark enters. CLARK What the -- Clark pulls Mad Dog off of the big boss. CLARK What are you doing, Mad Dog? Clark looks around at the bodies. CLARK You did all of this? Mad Dog bursts into tears. Mad Dog puts the gun to his own temple. CLARK Oh my god. MAD DOG I'll do it, man! I'LL FUCKING DO IT! I'LL FUCKING PULL THE GODDAMN - Suddenly, THE SOUND OF APPROACHING FEET. Lots and lots of them. HENCHMAN #3 I think they're in here! Mad Dog aims the gun at Clark. CLARK Whoa. Mad Dog. MAD DOG Go. CLARK But the -- MAD DOG GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE! Clark carefully backs out through the far door. A few moments pass. Then, the near door BUSTS OPEN with HENCHMEN. Mad Dog gets a few shots in before HENCHMAN #3 shoots Mad Dog -- it's not fatal, but Mad Dog drops the gun and falls to the ground. The henchmen approach. HENCHMAN #3 We gonna kill you reeeeal slooow. Mad Dog opens his coat to reveal -- A BOMB. The timer has mere seconds left. MAD DOG Game over, motherfu -- EXT. WAREHOUSE - CONTINUOUS The warehouse EXPLODES! as Clark walks away from the building. The explosion knocks him to the ground. Bits of rubble and debris fall around him. CLARK Oh, god. Mad Dog. What have you -- He picks something out of the rubble -- One of Mad Dog's little felt hands. CLARK No. NOOOOOOOO!!! STILL FRAME A puppet smashes a criminal's head against the hood of a car. VOICEOVER We'll return after these messages to: Puppet Po-Po! SIRENS sound. FADE OUT.
Mood: amused · Music: none