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Peter Rogers's Blog
Artist-in-Residence at Chez Firth

Friday (9/24/10) 1:07pm - ... wherein Peter writes a sketch for Sketch War.

Sketchwar started out as an online weekly sketch-writing group.  Every week, participants would write comedy sketches about that week's topic; at the end of the week, we'd read each other's sketches, comment, and perhaps bicker about who wrote the best sketch that week. 

These days, though, I'm the only one holding down the fort, thinking up topics and writing up sketches.  If you're curious about participating, drop me a line.  This page has my list of upcoming topics (next week's topic is "Sleep Deprivation").

This week's Sketch War topic was "Internet Dating".

               Sketchwar
               Internet Dating Edition
               "FunDates Inc."

               FADE IN:  



               INT. RESTAURANT - NIGHT

               In a trendy restaurant, GENE (20s) sits alone at a table set
               for two.

               The table has two half-eaten meals on it.

               Gene checks his watch and looks around.

               Then MADISON (20s, female) and HUNTER (20s, male) -- perfect
               looking, irritatingly cheerful -- approach the table. 
               Madison sits.

                                   GENE
                         Um -- excuse me, I'm sort of on a
                         date here?

                                   MADISON
                         You *were* on a date, Gene.

                                   HUNTER
                         Yeah, we extracted Clarissa from
                         this one.  She's not coming back.

                                   GENE
                         "Extracted?"

               Madison extends a hand.

                                   MADISON
                         Hi.  We're from FunDates, Inc., the
                         site that arranged this get
                         together --

                                   GENE
                         You've come along on my date?

                                   MADISON
                         -- and our monitoring detected that
                         this date of yours hasn't been
                         "fun".

                                   GENE
                         Well, yeah, it's a first date, so --

                                   HUNTER
                         Not the problem, big guy.  The
                         problem?  You.

                                   GENE
                         What?

                                   MADISON
                         You know the FunDates slogan,
                         right?

                                   GENE
                         No.

                                   HUNTER
                         It's "We make dating fun."  Try to
                         keep up, buddy.

                                   GENE
                         Sorry?

                                   MADISON
                         The problem is that only 3% of the
                         population --

                                   HUNTER
                         -- people like us --

                                   MADISON
                         -- actually has fun with dating. 
                         The rest of the population --

                                   HUNTER
                         -- people like you --

                                   MADISON
                         -- just stumble through it
                         awkwardly.  The only reason
                         conventional dating even still
                         exists is because people like us,
                         well, we kind of run society, and
                         we like it.

                                   HUNTER
                         FunDates exists because, frankly,
                         we're tired of dealing with the
                         chaff.

                                   GENE
                         "Chaff?"

                                   HUNTER
                         We have matching algorithms that
                         try to filter out non-fun people
                         like you, champ.

                                   MADISON
                         What can I say, Gene?  You seemed
                         fun on paper.

                                   GENE
                         Why are you telling me this in
                         person?  In the middle of my --

               Hunter leaves the table.

                                   MADISON
                         But don't worry, Gene!  You're in
                         luck!  We had another extraction
                         here at this same restaurant.

               Hunter returns with AMY (20s, attractive, confused).

                                   MADISON
                         Amy is another FunDates reject, so
                         maybe you two will hit it off in
                         your artless, developmentally
                         stunted way.

               Madison gets up to go.

                                   HUNTER
                         Enjoy your night!

               Madison and Hunter leave.

               Amy sits.

               Silence.

                                   GENE
                         Hey.

                                   AMY
                         Hey.

               Silence.

                                   GENE
                         Want to go burn down the FunDates
                         building?

               Silence.

                                   AMY
                         Yeah, sounds good.

               They exit.

                                                         FADE TO BLACK.


(I've cross-posted this to the Sketchwar site.)

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Mood: [mood icon] amused · Music: none
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