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Peter Rogers's Blog
Artist-in-Residence at Chez Firth

Friday (10/8/10) 8:53am - ... wherein Peter writes a sketch for Sketch War.

Sketchwar started out as an online weekly sketch-writing group.  Every week, participants would write comedy sketches about that week's topic; at the end of the week, we'd read each other's sketches, comment, and perhaps bicker about who wrote the best sketch that week. 

These days, though, I'm usually the only one holding down the fort, thinking up topics and writing up sketches.  If you're curious about participating, drop me a line.  This page has my list of upcoming topics (next week's topic is "Evolution").

This week's Sketch War topic was "Sleep Deprivation".

               Sketchwar
               Sleep Deprivation Edition
               "Boogeymen"

               FADE IN:  



               INT. CHILD'S BEDROOM - NIGHT

               SAM (8) lies in bed in a darkened bedroom, across from an
               ominous-looking closet door.

               He sits upright.

                                   SAM
                         Mom!

               Mom enters.

                                   MOM
                         What is it, Sam?

                                   SAM
                         I'm scared!

                                   MOM
                         Scared of what?

               He points at the closet door.

                                   SAM
                         Monsters.

                                   MOM
                         Monsters?

                                   SAM
                             (whispered)
                         Grammar Nazis!

                                   MOM
                         Sam, there's no such thing --

                                   SAM
                         The teacher told us about them at
                         school!

                                   MOM
                         They're not real --

                                   SAM
                         They're really scary!

                                   MOM
                         Are we really going over this
                         again?  It's just a figure of
                         speech, Sam.  There's no such thing
                         as Grammar Nazis, just like there
                         was no such thing as Fashion Police
                         last week.

               Sam sniffles.

                                   SAM
                         I'm sorry.

                                   MOM
                         Aw.  Look, if they were real, they
                         wouldn't mess around with us. 
                         Because there's no way they're
                         tougher than me.  Okay?

                                   SAM
                         Okay.

                                   MOM
                         You're alright?

               Sam nods.

               She gives him a kiss and exits.

               Beat.

               Then, voices from the closet.

                                   NAZI #1 (O.S.)
                         Zat should hev been 'tougher zen I
                         am.'

                                   NAZI #2 (O.S.)
                         Ja.  Definite predicate nominative.

                                   NAZI #1 (O.S.)
                         Still, perhaps ve shouldn't take
                         her aveh to the re-education camp.

                                   NAZI #2 (O.S.)
                         Nein!  Zis it vat ve do to whomever
                         transgresses against ze rules of
                         grammar!

                                   SAM
                         I... I think you mean 'whoever'.

                                   NAZI #2 (O.S.)
                         Insolent child!  It is ze object of
                         a preposition.

               Sound of a SMACK!

                                   NAZI #2 (O.S.)
                         Ach, meine Nase!

                                   NAZI #1 (O.S.)
                         Dummkopf!  Ze entire clause is ze
                         object of ze preposition!  Ze
                         preposition acts as a subject, zus
                         it is nominative! 

                                   NAZI #2 (O.S.)
                         Mein Gott....

                                   NAZI #1 (O.S.)
                         You have humiliated ze Reich!  Let
                         us depart to zome ozzer suburban
                         home, and try to live down ze
                         shame!

                                   NAZI #2 (O.S.)
                         Raus!  Raus!

               Sound of MARCHING FEET, quickly disappearing into the
               distance.

               Beat.

               Sam sighs with relief.

               Then, two swishy voices from the closet:

                                   POLICE #1 (O.S.)
                         Whew.  Glad they're skee-daddling!

                                   POLICE #2 (O.S.)
                         I'll say!  Those epaulets alone
                         were a clear fashion violation!

                                   POLICE #1 (O.S.)
                         Pull over, Helmut, you're going to
                         fashion jail!

                                   POLICE #2 (O.S.)
                             (imitating siren)
                         Ba-weoo!  Ba-weoo!

                                   SAM
                         MOM!

                                                              BLACKOUT.


(I've cross-posted this to the Sketchwar site.)

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Mood: [mood icon] amused · Music: none
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Comments:

[User Picture]
From:judovitch
Date:Friday (10/8/10) 11:52am
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AWESOME. That is all. :-)
-J
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[User Picture]
From:hujhax
Date:Friday (10/8/10) 12:28pm
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*tips hat*
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