Sketchwar started out as an online weekly sketch-writing group. Every week, participants would write comedy sketches about that week's topic; at the end of the week, we'd read each other's sketches, comment, and perhaps bicker about who wrote the best sketch that week.
These days, though, I'm usually the only one holding down the fort, thinking up topics and writing up sketches. (Though Patrick Knisely has been doing some lately. w00t!) If you're curious about participating, drop me a line. This page has my list of upcoming topics (next week's topic is "mental illness").
This week's Sketch War topic was "unemployment".
Sketchwar Unemployment Edition "Thompson Unvocational College" FADE IN: EXT. CITY STREET - DAY Slo-mo, grainy, b/w footage of urban pedestrians. NARRATOR The economy is tougher than ever. To get a job, you need to get ahead of the competition. Plus, you need a miracle. Because the jobs aren't there. So why not try a different approach? EXT. THOMPSON UNVOCATIONAL COLLEGE - DAY A slummy college campus, labeled "Thompson Unvocational College". NARRATOR With Thompson Unvocational College? INT. CLASSROOM - DAY A TEACHER lectures in front of a large display. The display reads, "CHEAP FOODS", and lists "Rice" ("yes!"), "Beans" ("yes!"), and "Ramen" ("No!"). NARRATOR At Thompson Unvocational College, we teach you the skills you'll need for a life spent unemployed. Because face it, that's what today's college grads are getting. INT. DEPARTMENT STORE - DAY A bored GREETER greets a series of CUSTOMERS. NARRATOR Why waste time picking up skills you'll never use in those few part time gigs you might luck into? INT. CLASSROOM - DAY STUDENTS socialize in a classroom, while TEACHERS' ASSISTANTS carry clipboards and monitor them. NARRATOR When you could learn the networking skills you'll need to acquire free food and shelter? INT. OFFICE - DAY A DOCTOR speaks one-on-one with a STUDENT. NARRATOR Basic medical self-diagnosis, since nobody will offer you medical insurance? INT. CLASSROOM - DAY A TEACHER lectures in front of a blackboard that reads, "Conflict Mediation -- Basic Principles". NARRATOR Or the extensive conflict resolution techniques you'll need to survive moving back in with your parents? CGI FOOTAGE Clunky, "Money for Nothing"-like CGI shows a STUDENT sitting in a scummy apartment. NARRATOR And our state-of-the-art technology will prepare you -- INT. VIRTUAL-REALITY CHAMBER - DAY A STUDENT sits in a plain chair in the exact same pose. He wears a clunky pair of VR goggles, hooked up to a large machine labeled "The Sitting Around the House All Day Simulator 3000X". NARRATOR -- for all the scenarios that you'll face as a member of the fastest-growing occupation in America: unemployment! EXT. PARK - DAY A STUDENT reads a copy of Hamlet in an idyllic park. NARRATOR And of course, we offer a full program in the liberal arts, so that you can stay amused for a lifetime with nothing more than a library card and a bus pass! EXT. THOMPSON UNVOCATIONAL COLLEGE - DAY The same slummy college campus. This time, the superimposed text reads: NARRATOR Thompson Unvocational College: preparing you for tomorrow's unemployment... today! FADE OUT.
Mood: amused · Music: none