Some time ago, I participated in something called "Sketchwar". Every Saturday, we'd pick a topic. Then we'd all write a sketch that had to do with that topic, and post it the following Friday. The next day, we'd have a new topic to work on, and so on.
I figured, now that I have time for such things, I'd start doing this again. This week, I set myself the topic of "a walk in the woods" If anybody wants to join in the Sketchwar fray (Andrew Pish was participating for a while, but seems to have
wussed outdisappeared), next week's topic is "useless skills".
FADE IN: EXT. OFFICE BUILDING - DAY A clean, shiny office building. DOCENT (V.O.) The next part of the intelligence test covers situations. INT. OFFICE - CONTINUOUS The DOCENT sits across a desk from HANK (40s), a grizzled type in an ill-fitting suit. DOCENT So, I'll explain a situation to you. You explain how you deal with it. HANK Mmm. DOCENT Okay, first situation: you're lost in the woods. How do you find your way back to civilization? HANK That's a tricky one. DOCENT Take as long as you need. HANK 'cos the forest? The forest wants you to die. DOCENT Oh-kay... HANK First thing is, make sure you go in a line. The forest? The forest'll make you walk in circles, round and round, 'til you die. DOCENT So how do you do -- HANK You pick three spots in a line, start walking. Get to the second, pick a fourth. Get to the third, pick a fifth. DOCENT Interesting. HANK And if'n it rained, you can check the moss, which'll grow on the north sides of the trees. DOCENT Moss? HANK Or, if you have a clear enough view of the sky, you can guide yourself by the sun. Or if it's nighttime, sight the north star. DOCENT Right, and you just keep walking 'til -- HANK You keep walking. And you use everything you got to keep the madness at bay. DOCENT Sorry -- did you say -- HANK Oh, there ain't nothin' lonelier than losing your way in the woods. You can scream, but the leaves just eat your voice. You can run, but the woods, they just go on forever. It's just you, like a tiny little speck, surrounded by hundreds of those centuries life, all of it waiting to snuff you out. DOCENT I think we're getting off-topic -- HANK Sometimes their voices call out to you. Maybe you find yourself on some sheer drop, and the spirit of the woods is there, tempting you to end it all. DOCENT Okay, now -- HANK L'appel du vide, the French call it. DOCENT That's not really a *strategy*, though -- HANK So you just keep walking. Keep walking, and hope you chose right. Pray with every step that you find an escape before the madness finds you. DOCENT Okay. HANK Mm-hmm. DOCENT Or also, you could climb a tall tree and see which way the buildings are. Beat. HANK Dammit. DOCENT Yeah. HANK This mean I'm not getting the accounting job? DOCENT Probably not. FADE OUT.
Mood: amused · Music: none