Wow -- two months since my last Sketchwar entry! My writing time got eaten up by the radio serial, among other things. Let's try and pick up where we left off, shall we?...
Some time ago, I participated in something called "Sketchwar". Every Saturday, we'd pick a topic. Then we'd all write a sketch that had to do with that topic, and post it the following Friday. The next day, we'd have a new topic to work on, and so on.
I figured, now that I have time for such things, I'd start doing this again. This week, I set myself the topic of "useless skills". If anybody wants to join in the Sketchwar fray, next week's topic is Firefly -- 'cos hey, looks like we have a properly assembled and costumed Firefly cast at our disposal.
Sketchwar "Women in Peril" Edition "Office Parking Lot" FADE IN: EXT. OFFICE COMPLEX - NIGHT JEFF (20s) and ELAINE (20s) walk down a well-lit sidewalk through a dark office complex. ELAINE Thanks for walking me to my car. JEFF No problem. As Jeff continues, Elaine carefully curls her hand into a fist and pokes out her keys between her fingers. JEFF I'll go back over that last section for typos, and then hand it off to -- what're you doing? ELAINE Oh -- it just makes it so, if you punch someone, it leaves holes. They look at the shadows, a bit nervous. JEFF Ah. Hey, I'm sure they'll catch whoever's... He trails off. ELAINE Yeah. They walk in silence. There's a sudden RUSTLING from the darkness. Elaine suddenly drops into a badass martial-arts stance. JEFF Hey, what -- ELAINE Shhh. She eyes the shadows carefully, then relaxes. JEFF Wow, what was that -- He makes some cheesy martial-arts poses. JEFF -- thing? ELAINE Oh, that? just krav maga. Lots of women know basic self-defense, y'know, to be safe. They resume walking. JEFF Well, I don't know krav maga. ELAINE Heh. You don't have to worry about getting assaulted on the way to your car. JEFF True. Louder rustling! Elaine drops into a stance again. JEFF What? ELAINE That was definitely something. JEFF Okay, let's just book it to the car -- ELAINE No, that's another hundred feet, and the sight-lines are all wrong. JEFF So, we go back to the office? ELAINE That sends us through three blind corners; we could get ambushed at any of them. JEFF What the -- how do you know this? ELAINE It's just basic situational awareness, Jeff -- JEFF But this is Jason-Bourne shit -- ELAINE It's just stuff that women notice, okay? Like shoes! We note distances, we count exits -- JEFF Jesus. ELAINE Anyway -- my point is, if there's something out there, we can't run. We have to make a stand here. JEFF Okay -- Somehow, Elaine unsheaths a katana. SHING! JEFF HOW DO YOU HAVE A KATANA?! ELAINE SHUT UP AND COVER MY SIX! JEFF WITH WHAT?! ELAINE Here, take my pepper spray. She tosses him a tiny canister. They stand back-to-back, facing out into the darkness. Silence. JEFF How long do we -- ELAINE Shhh. Suddenly, a HOODED FIGURE jumps from the darkness, expertly twirling a bo stick. Just as the stick is coming down towards Jeff's head -- ELAINE STOP! HE'S WITH ME! And the stick stops inches from Jeff's head. The hooded figure unhoods to reveal CAROLINE, a friendly, dowdy, middle-aged woman. CAROLINE Sorry, Jeffery. Thought you might be that attacker we've been hearing about. Jeff whimpers. CAROLINE By the by, you've got that nozzle aimed at yourself, dear. Jeff pockets the pepper spray. JEFF Well, how do you know it's *not* me -- I mean, it's not, but you can't just trust -- ELAINE Oh, if it were, we could just use this. She pulls out a little button unit, like a garage opener. Jeff takes it. JEFF Really, what's thi-- He tries pushing the button. There's a loud VZZT noise, and suddenly Jeff doubles over in pain. Elaine picks up the button unit. ELAINE I put a standard subdermal electrode on your neck -- y'know, just in case. JEFF It -- you -- CAROLINE In case you turned out to be evil. JEFF What? CAROLINE It's a sign of respect, Jeffrey. It means she thinks there's a chance you could best her in combat. JEFF Does Creepy Chris have one of these subdermal things? ELAINE AND CAROLINE Oh yeah. JEFF Wow. ELAINE Okay, see you tomorrow, Caroline. CAROLINE Stay safe. Caroline disappears into the darkness. Elaine and Jeff resume their walk. EXT. OFFICE COMPLEX - ELAINE'S CAR - LATER A normal, well-lit parking lot. Elaine gets in her car. JEFF Here you are. ELAINE Thanks again, Jeff. JEFF Uh-huh. ELAINE You sure you're feeling okay? JEFF I don't know *how* I feel. I mean, this was all kind of awesome, but... ELAINE Yeah. You get to just walk back to the office without worrying about anything. JEFF Hmm. ELAINE See you tomorrow. JEFF Later. She drives off. Another rustle from the shadows. Jeff instantly pulls out the pepper spray -- -- and accidentally sprays himself in the face. JEFF OW! WHY?! FADE OUT.
Mood: amused · Music: none